Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
President Bush tried and failed.
President Clinton tried and failed.
President Obama tried and succeeded.
.
The moral of this is...
If you want someone dead, hire a black man.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight..I'd never be bored again!
The only thing that might change my opinion on women's football is if they swap shirts at the end of the match...
Girls want a lot of things from one guy... conversely...
guys want a one thing from a lot of girls...
"Dude she just called you italian"
"Oh hell no, hold my ipod!"
"what does that have to do with being italian?"
"Absolutely nothing, why?"
"Nothing... I just thought since you were italian, you'd be holding a pizza or something..."
Every girl has 3 personalities.
1) When she's with her family.
2) When she's with her friends.
3) When she's with HIM.
You may have died, but I love and remember you - R.I.P
The creator of 'Pokemon', Satoshi Tajiri who was 45 years old, died in Japan today. Thank's for my childhood Satoshi.
I've been suspended from school for another three days. When my biology teacher asked me what my favourite element was, karate chopping her and saying "Element of Suprise" was wrong.
Dirty Mind Test: kidsexchange
If you read that as 'kid sex change' then your kinda dirty ;D 'kids exchange'
An english professor wrote the words: ''A woman without her man is nothing'' on the chalkboard. He asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: ''A woman, without her man, is nothing.''
All the females in the class wrote: ''A woman: without her, man is nothing.''
when i get a notification saying my best mate has tagged me in a photo i always think too myself SH*T!!!!
Girl: Hi :)
Boy: Hey.
Girl: I heard you like somebody...
Boy: Yeah, yeah.
Girl: Ooh, who is it?
Boy: I'm not telling.
Girl: Fine, do I know her?
Boy: Yeah.
Girl: Hmm, what's she look like?
Boy: Do you have a mirror?
Friend: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Me: Hey! STFU while im texting...
Friend: Why?
Me: Because you're gonna make me type what we're saying...
I'M SUCH A BAD ASS..... i installed a program. it asked if I had read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
i hadn't, but i clicked 'yes' anyway.
********I Always Do This!********
When you get into an elevator and look at the maximum capacity and start mentally calculating everyones weight...
The awkward moment when you are not sure whether to hold the door open for someone because they they might be a bit too far away to wait, but close enough that you'll feel like a jerk if you let it slam shut just as they get a few steps away...
Its funny how when you have a pack of gum, BAM! Everyone suddenly becomes your "Best friend" and they expect you to give them a piece and the only reason you give them a piece is so they leave you alone.
Girl: "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!"
Dad: "hold on a second..."
Girl: "But Daddy Daddy, Daddy, Daddy..."
Dad: "WHAT???????"
Girl: "Hi."
So I was drinking Dr Pepper and Iooked at the side of the label and it said: CARBONATED FRUIT FLAVOUR SOFT DRINK. I was thinking WTF?!? Sence when the hell is pepper a fruit??
I hate when on MTV Cribs kids say "...and this is my 103 inch plasma TV." Im like, "No, that's your parents 103 inch plasma TV. All you did was fall out of the right v*gina...
Important exam tomorrow, better do some studying....
Study...Study...Stud...Sta...ah...staf...stafay...fay...face...faceboo...Porn.
Happens everytime...
When everything in your life goes wrong, there's always that one person to put a smile on your face
Dear Girls of the Internet...
Making that "I've just eaten a lemon face" while taking a photo, is UNATTRACTIVE!
Sincerely Boys of the Internet.
I'm sick of you men telling us that women are bad drivers.
How many of you can do 90mph in the fast lane of a motorway whilst putting on mascara?