Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
If you watch 127 Hours backwards it's an uplifting story about a disabled man finding an arm in the desert.
Looking at a friend and saying: "I will if you will."
England: The country where Pizza gets to your house quicker than the Police
**** Who Else Does This #54 ****
Whenever my parents ask who i'm texting or who i'm talking to, I automatically think of a friend who is the same gender as me that they already approve of.
(for the girls) LIKE IF YOU HAVE EVER:
-yelled at your straightener
-found yourself eating any and as many chocolate foods that you could find
-screamed for the kiss in a romance movie
-got hurt by a douche
-then laughed that you cried over the douche!!!
-almost killed yourself in heels
-ripped your favorite butt jeans
-have a million pairs of shoes you really never wear :)
i had a life. Until some idiot told me to make a f a c e b o o k ;)
What is the difference between a good girl and a nice girl?
A nice girl goes out on a date, goes home, and goes to bed.
A good girl goes out on a date, goes to bed, and then goes home.
when you bust open a packet of soothers suddenly everyone has a bad throat
Who lives in a coffin under the sea..... ♫ ♪....OSAMA BINLADEN! ...whooz freaky and evil but as dead as can be? OSAMA BINLADEN!...♫ ♪....If bombing a country be something you wish OSAMA BIN LADEN...♫ ♪.... Then then do it yourself cause this man is dead! OSAMA BIN LADEN...♫ ♪....
Don't you hate it when your ex says to you "I'm here if you need me..."
"Where the F*UK were you when we were together and I needed you!"
The 'I need a hug' mood.
I play with my phone when I'm waiting for someone so I don't look stupid
Your text pissed me off, so I'm not replying
If Google can't find it, you're screwed.
*Music plays*
Girl 1:Omg you look so pretty in that outfit!
Girl 2: Awh! Thanks you look pretty too!
Now lets change it up a bit
Guy 1: Dude you look so Hawt!
*Music stops*
Guy 2: Dude... Are you gay?
*Awkward Silence*
Running for the laptop charger like its the end of the world!
100 Friends - Thats ok.
200 Friends - Eh, Your getting there.
300 Friends - Good amount.
400 Friends - Sorta popular.
500 Friends - Your well known.
600 Friends - Your a sl*t.
700 Friends - Big sl*t.
800 Friends - You dont even know half of them.
900 Friends - Nerd.
1000 Friends - Facebook is your life.
I went running after my dreams, but tripped on reality, fell on hard times and landed in a world of hurt...
I wonder if Buzz and Woody have ever met Andy's mom's toys... I mean after all they have the same names...
Pain is natures way if warning you and telling you "don't do that!"
Painkillers are man way of replying "Just Watch Me!"
Don't be afraid to use the word motherfu*ker at school...
Why? Well my dear friend..Just tell your teacher its a noun ;)
You: 'Can Ellie stay over?'
Mum: 'Ellie who?'
You: 'Ellie Smith?'
Mum: 'Who's she?'
You: 'She came over last weekend'
Mum: '?'
You: 'The fat one?' -_-
Mum: 'Oh riiiighhhht!'
Like if this ever has happend to you
Everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain...
The awkward moment when people are singing happy birthday to you so you just sit there in the middle of it all with a poker face wondering what to do...
When Im out in public, I stop and think to my self every now and again "I know you can read my thoughts & I can read yours..."
Just in case