Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
How do you know when you're in love?
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1. You cant stop thinking about them
2. You seriously cant stop thinking about them
3. Re-reading their text messages and them making you smile...
I don't care if you're short, tall, fat, skinny, rich, poor, straight, gay, lesbian, black or white...
If you're nice to me, then i'll be nice to you.
Simple. As. That.
Round of drinks: $23.00
Lap Dance: $30.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Couch Dance: $50.00
A Round Of Shots: $34.00
Private Dance in Hotel Room: $300.00
Being able to send her on her way and never having to hear her complain, priceless...
"I'm a ninja." *prove it.* "did you see that?" *see what?* "exactly..."
If the Bell doesn't dismiss me then the Bell doesn't decide when I arrive.
When life lets you down remember there always 1 persons fingers that will always fit perfectly between yours, your own :)
5 biggest lies told by TEENAGERS:
1. Seriously dude, I don't like anyone.
2. Everything's fine.
3. Can't, doing homework.
4. I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
5. I am sure that I am over 18 and understand that this
website contains explicit content that is not suitable for minors.
"A, B, C, or D?" "Well I haven't had a B for like 4 questions so I'll choose that"
"OMG how did you find out?" "Facebook."
England: The country where Pizza gets to your house quicker than the Police
You: 'Can Ellie stay over?'
Mum: 'Ellie who?'
You: 'Ellie Smith?'
Mum: 'Who's she?'
You: 'She came over last weekend'
Mum: '?'
You: 'The fat one?' -_-
Mum: 'Oh riiiighhhht!'
Like if this ever has happend to you
CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMMMMEERRR 2011 :D
There are two men.
One's name is John and the other's name is Bill
John came to Bill's house one day but Bill wasn't there only his wife was.
John said to her "I'll give you $100 if you let me touch one of your breasts"
She said okay.
John said to her again "I'll give you $100 if you let me touch your other breast"
She said okay.
John left.
Later that day Bill came back from work and asked his wife "Hey, did John give you the $200 he owed me?"
Welcome to our society. You will be judged on what you wear, which music you listen to, what you look like, how you act, who you hang around with, and on practically every other personal trait and imperfection about you, and you'll be made fun of for being who you are. Enjoy your stay.
I waited for ten years, eleven months, thirty days, 12 hours and 26 minutes. then i finally had to admit i wasn't getting an acceptance letter from Hogwarts.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it's probably a cow in disguise, don't let it fool you!
ask me if i'm a snail.
no.
ask me if i'm a snail.
no.
ask me if i'm a snail.
NO.
ask me if i'm a snail.
NO!!!!
ask me if i'm a snail.
ARE YOU A F*CKING SNAIL?
meow.
...
Only on Facebook is it acceptable to talk to a wall.
What does the Mafia and going down on a girl have in common?
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One slip of the tongue and your in deep sh*t...
I hate it when your in your car listening to a random bad song and when your just about to get out, your favourite song comes up. LIKE IF U DO TOO xD
I can't stand people who don't know the difference between your and you're.
There so stupid...
Who else does this?
When you're crunchy food and you wonder whether other people can hear you.... so you try to chew as slowly and as quietly as you can...
How do you expect me to stay with one girl for the rest of my life if I can't even jack off to the same p*rn twice?
Someone told me i am immature and need to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my treehouse now
People always say "More Money More Problems..." but without money you have bigger problems...