8 of the worst pains in the world:
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
******The First Time Someone Used The Middle Finger*******
Person 1: I'm so mad right now, i could just, i could....GAH
****Sticks up middle finger*****
Person 2: What's that mean?
Person 1: I don't know, but it just feels right...
Grammar is important. Capital letters are the difference betwen helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Replying to a text with "k" not only shows that you are an a$$ hole, it also shows that you are a lazy f*ck who abbreviates a two letter word
What is the difference between a good girl and a nice girl?
A nice girl goes out on a date, goes home, and goes to bed.
A good girl goes out on a date, goes to bed, and then goes home.
Got young brothers or sisters? Go to a supermarket and tell them that no matter how fast they run at it, automatic doors will always open in time. :)
Dear Eminem,
Not only do we have the same name, but we're both black on the inside too.
Sincerely, M&Ms!
My mom wants 3-D eye surgery to see 3-D movies without glasses. I told her they don’t exist. She doesn’t care. Operation’s next Tuesday.
I don't know if you noticed but ur face is orange + your neck is white? (:
Katy Perry Has Her Firework, Taio Cruz Has His Dynamite And Bruno Mars Has His Grenade... I Bet La Roux Is Glad That She's Bulletproof!
LOVE is not measured by sweet words... nor by generous gifts... nor by corageous acts... it's measured by the willingness to continue after you already came twice!!!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a knife,
Get in the van...
I like the fact that I am able to honestly say "I know the difference between their, there, they’re, then, than, effect and affect!!!"
Learn English people!
'hello!' *no reply* ohh yeah i forgot i only excist when you want me too.
I remember when I was kid. I used to bug my mom for a Super Nintendo every day. So one day, when I came home from school. She had tied a cape around my regular Nintendo and told me to STFU!
There are the normal boobs ( . )( . ), the silicone boobs ( + )( + ), the perfect boobs (o)(o). Some boobs are cold (^)(^), and some boobs belong to grandmothers ././ And let’s not forget the very large boobs (o Y o), and the very small boobs (.)(.), and lastly the asymmetrical boobs (•)(.) We love them all!
When I was young our phones didn't have internet, they had SNAKE
When boys get jealous it's kinda cute. But when girls get jealous.. it's world war III :|
Your mums so fat, that when she applied for a disability scooter they gave her a chauffeur driven forklift instead.
"I like your accent!" "What accent?" That accent!" "I have an accent?"
wjfsklfjsmljdmgkfnfgdfsghfdjkghzena, EEEEEH MACARENA! :D
I'm that person UR EX will HATE, ur mum will LOVE, & U'LL never FORGET!!
Lady Gaga taught me Its okay to be different.
Ke$ha taught me to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks.
Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I love.
Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through.
Taylor Swift taught me not every guy/girl is going to treat me right.
Michael Jackson taught me to always love the people around me.
Bob Marley taught me to live my life in peace.
Music taught me how to live.
Being drunk, is Not and Never will be an excuse for cheating
"Ok, if we get caught, pretend we don't speak english."
...
-"What happened here?!?"
"No hablo ingles!"
-"Oh que paso?"
"....RUUUUN!!"
Dont you hate it when you're changing in the locker rooms and some dumb chick has a period stain .... ruines your whole day :(