Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
As soon as you think Rebecca Black hype is finally over... BAM! She's back with a new song, new look and a brand new YouTube channel.
*Goes onto blocked list*.
Hm, why is she blocked?
*Unblocks her and goes onto chat*.
Girl says: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BABAEZZZZZ!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
That's why she was blocked.
Dear Microwave,
Why is my plate hot and my food cold?
One day my patience will run out, and I will punch you.. in the face.. very hard.
When I came on my girlfriend, I put a little on jizz on my thumb and wiped it across her forehead and whispered "Simba..."
A local teenage girl died 8 months ago. While on Facebook I saw that her boyfriend still has her listed as his girlfriend... True love never dies.
Today I bought a packet of salted nuts. On the pack it said "Warning, may contain nuts." Well I would be pretty disappointed if I opened it up and a sock fell out...
At the beginning of eternity and at the end of time, in this rhyme the answer you will find...
8 of the worst pains in the world:
1) knocking your elbow or knee against a table or chair real hard.
2) burning your tongue on a hot drink.
3) stepping on a sharp rock or prickle.
4) paper cuts.
5) stubbing your toe
6) biting you tongue!
7) getting kicked in the balls.. or childbirth...
8) listening to 'Friday' by Rebecca Black....
Hey Guys everywhere, God gave you a p*nis and a brain, but unfortunately he didn't give you enough blood to use both at the same time.
**** Things that make you go hmmmm? ****
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, then why have they got locks on the doors?...
What shall I wear, no, no, no, nope, no, no, urm I wore that yesterday... Oh well nobody saw me yesterday so I'll just wear it again today...
fyi brb gtg hru ttyl dtf wtf lol stfu
It's sad that our generation looks at this jumble of letters and know exactly what it means. What happened to english?
Your story doesn't add up. So feel free to stop lying
"age is just a number." "yeah, so is 911 you paedophile."
Dear Public Toilets,
Toilet paper holders should turn loosely. Nobody wants to wipe their a$$ with a bunch of confetti.
Sincerely,
I hate getting it on my hands.
1,000,000's of sperm and you were the fastest?
I don't like you. So, I am going to buy you a kitten. Then I am going to wait till you fall in love with that kitten. Then I am going to sneak into your house one night and... punch you in the face.
DA SADST STRY EVUR!!!
girl: do u luv mi??? iv u dnt i gun dy
Boy: I can't understand you, what are you trying to say?.
girl: omg y yuu nar luv mi?!?! mi bcum ded
Boy: I don't even...
girl: :(( (dyez)
Boy: ...The f*ck?
Nothing says "I'm a fat bastard" like wearing a t-shirt in a swimming pool............
**** Things that maker you go hmmmmm ****
If Jesus could walk on water, and humans are 70% water. If I walk on humans, does that mean I am 70% Jesus?
A boy gave his girlfriend a challenge; to live a day without him & if she did it he would love her more. The girl agreed and she didnt talk to him for a day without knowing he had only 24 hours so live because he was suffering from cancer. She went to his house the next day tears falling from her eyes as she saw him lying in a coffin with a note on the side:'You did it baby,you can do it everyday
Q. What do a Rubix cube and a p*nis have in common?
****************************************************************
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Guy:God, how long is a million years to you?
God:A minute.
Guy:How much is a million dollars to you?
God:A penny.
Guy:Can I have a penny?
God:In a minute.
LIKE IF YOU GET IT :)
Being blamed for something you didn't do then laughing so they think you did.