If a girl leans towards you, kiss her.
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
I don't care how busy you are, just text me so I know you're okay... :/
Friendship isn't about who you have known the longest. It isn't about who you see the most. And it isn't even about who knows you the best. It's about who came and never left.
Knowing you are going to be in trouble, so you think of what you can say.
Girls are like apples. The best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them,when,in reality,they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree
To the first two people who thought Superman was a bird, then a plane....
What the f*ck was you so excited about?
Mom, I could be dying and you're not answering the phone!
I'M SUCH A BAD ASS..... i installed a program. it asked if I had read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
i hadn't, but i clicked 'yes' anyway.
*Goes onto blocked list*.
Hm, why is she blocked?
*Unblocks her and goes onto chat*.
Girl says: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BABAEZZZZZ!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
That's why she was blocked.
Finding money in your pocket you didn't know you had.
Don't you hate it when you're texting lying down on your bed and all of a sudden your phone decides to be ninja and slips through your hands and attacks your face?
**** Definition Of Disappointment ****
Running into a wall with a boner and hitting your nose first...
Guy:God, how long is a million years to you?
God:A minute.
Guy:How much is a million dollars to you?
God:A penny.
Guy:Can I have a penny?
God:In a minute.
LIKE IF YOU GET IT :)
When I say LOL, what I really mean is I made a really loud outward breath through my nostrils much like a bull does...
When I say LMAO, what I actually mean is I made a little sound while laughing a little.
When I say LMFAO, what I actually mean is I sat there in my chair laughing out loud...
All the world leaders have hinted that there might be a bank holiday to mark Osama Bin Ladens death...
So, all together now
We're all going on Osama holiday...
Someday, everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason. :]
Shes my best friend of course im going to tell her everything you just said
NEVER WALK ON GRASS :
Grass=ants=biting=irritation=cranky=no friends=attempted suicide=hospital=drugs=overdose=high=happy=lots of friends =partying=alcohol=sex=herpes=itchy=unhappy=no friends=attempt suicide 2=rehab=Amy Whinehoise= sex=publicity= fame=money=women=kids=broke=cardboard box=smelly=no friends=kill the world=join the russians= make nuclear bomb=kill everyone except me=sadness=attempts suicide=no hospital=death=aliens take over earth=no more humans=thanks alot grass -.-
Holy sh*t! F*ck i'm so sorry miss, I didn't realise my shirt was untucked, is everyone alright? no ones hurt, right?
I dont have the best body,
The prettiest eyes,
The softest, most perfect hair,
Amazing skin,
Big boobs,
or even a picture perfect smile.
But that doesnt mean Im not good enough.
Dear Bruno Mars,
Don't die for that b*tch. Obviously If someone is throwing grenades at her then she must be involved in some serious sh*t.
Sincerely,
All your female fans.
I want to lick you, s*ck you, move my tounge all around you.....
but this damn wrapper wont come off the lollipop ;P
*watches paranormal shows*
You: This isn't scary at all.
*that night*
You: *laying in bed awake frightened by every little noise.*
Guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in poo up to their necks. second room, people are standing with poo up to their noses. Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with poo up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "Ok coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"
If a girl replies 'k', you did something to p*ss her off.
A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her brea$t.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your brea$t, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your peni$ is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 243."