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A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Hello Justin Bieber. I want to play a game. Throughout the years you have soiled the meaning of good music. There will be consequences. The device attached to your abdomen will trigger in 75 seconds, sending a metal bar up your ass. Your chances at surviving is the key located in your ashophogus, inside your lungs, the very lungs that have soiled the ears of the innocent. How much blood will you sacrifice to continue your life? The choice is yours. Let the game begin
The awkward moment when you realise you are walking in the wrong direction, so you hit your pockets pretending like you forgot something and then turn and go back the other way.
A Horny husband was helping his wife setup a password for her computer. he typed in 'My P*nis' and pressed enter and his wife burst out laughing when the computer returned an error message saying 'Its not long enough'
Not knowing if the bath is freezing or boiling, but getting in anyway cause you’re a fearless b*stard.
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, – “This is the WORST book I’ve ever read!” “It has NO plot and far too many characters!”
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks – “So, you’re the one who took our phone book…”
"Sexy" means I want you. "Pretty" means I like you. "Beautiful" means I love you. "Gorgeous" means all of the above and that is because you are the best thing that ever happened to me :)
I decided to add some variety to my s*x life......
So I started using my other hand...
Daughter: Goodnight dad love you.
Dad: Love you to.
Son: Goodnight dad love you.
Dad: Son before you go to bed can i ask you something.
Dad: Are you f*cking gay.
The teacher puts 2x + 5x2 ÷ -8 + 21a on the board and tells me, "solve the problem"... i get up, and erase the board, problem solved bitch!
I'm p*ssed man. Just had 5000 business card printed and they Read "John Brown, Therapist." Stupid idiots forgot to put a space in my profession.
5 biggest lies told by TEENAGERS:
1. Seriously dude, I don't like anyone.
2. Everything's fine.
3. Can't, doing homework.
4. I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
5. I am sure that I am over 18 and understand that this
website contains explicit content that is not suitable for minors.
*****Never be afraid to try something new.*****
Just remember, amateurs built the arc, while professionals built the titanic
Please stop getting involved in everything, your job is to pump blood... That's it!
Every Boy and Girl In Love...
Sneaking food into the cinemas.. $4 for a pack of skittles my A$$!
That "oh Sh*t" moment when you hear your mom shout your name from down stairs so you do a quick recap of all the things you have done recently to see if you're in trouble...
Why do people say "Don't worry, I don't bite" when talking to a stranger? I mean, I've never been like "Sh*t! this person is gonna bite me for sure, I better stay away!"...
When I was younger, my friends and I used to play tig, hide and seek, stuck in the mud, cops and robbers, kiss chase and duck duck goose.
These days kids just play Xbox or PS3
They don't know what they are missing out on...
"haha u blinked!" "of course I blinked you clapped your hands in my face.... retard."
When a girl cries for a guy, it means she really misses him. But when a guy cries for a girl, it means no one can love that girl more than him!!!
If you tickle me, i'm not responsible for your injuries...
We know when You are watching P0rn. You think That we havent seen you Looking at the Laptop screen with a very happy Face while your Slowly Putting your hand under your Trousers.
Sincerely, Your Parents!
When I was young our phones didn't have internet, they had SNAKE
"Shaggy, you Scoob and Velma go downstairs and check the basement; Daphne and I'll go upstairs and check the bedroom..."
Freddy, you magnificent b*stard...
Police: Why were you speeding?
Man: I had a cramp in my leg, sorry officer.
Police: -.-... I am going to give you a fine for speeding.
Man: OOOMMMMGGG!! here comes that cramp again! cyaa (:
To whomever wrote:
"10 things a typical teenage girl can"t live without...
1. A Mobile Phone
2. A Laptop or Computer with internet access
4. A Warm Hoodie
6. A Facebook, Msn, or YouTube account
8. Unlimited Texts
9. Hair Straighteners
10. Reality TV
5 things a typical teenage boy can"t live without...
That's unfair. I'm a teenage boy and I'm quite fond of oxygen.
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