They say Disney Land is the happiest place on Earth......well they've obviously never been in your arms =) x
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Heard Your Dating My Ex. How Do I Taste ?
I forgave you for what you did, but i still die a little inside every time i think about it.
If you think it is necessary to judge me by my past, then don't get angry when I decide to leave your sorry A$$ there...
Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a hooker for a hug.
i had a life. Until some idiot told me to make a f a c e b o o k ;)
I want to kill the sexiest person alive....... But suicide is a crime.. Oh well :)
Not all guys want sex, because some of us want a relationship. Not all guys like Black Ops, because loving you is more fun. Not all men will hurt you, because some men are decent people. Not all men will abuse you, because some men like to see you smile. However, all those guys are gay.
"Dude she just called you italian"
"Oh hell no, hold my ipod!"
"what does that have to do with being italian?"
"Absolutely nothing, why?"
"Nothing... I just thought since you were italian, you'd be holding a pizza or something..."
Raising your hand in class and saying something funny that has nothing to do with what you were talking about,everyone laughs at your joke, and then 5 min later some unpopular kid steals your joke trying to be funny.
Money is made of paper, paper is made of wood, and wood is made from trees. Therefore, money does grow on trees. 1 point for us 0 points for people who say money don't grow on trees(:
That look you give your friends when someone attractive walks in.. ;)
The awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then you end up walking the same way...
***********I Hate When This Happens**********
When it's late at night, your really tired, so you decide to go to bed. But when you finally get into bed and your body's like... Just Kidding, I'm wide awake really.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.
14th Febuary:
Girl: Happy Valentines Day!
Boy: Um... yeah :)
-Girl passes him a big box of chocolates-
-Boy passes her a tiny box, to which she looks dissapointed-
Boy: Now, before you open this, I want you to know something... I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore...
Girl: (Shocked) -Opens box- *Gasp*
Boy: Because I want to be your husband.
Like if you know what's in the box
A woman comes home to find her husband using a hair dryer on his p*nis.
She Ask:l What on earth are you doing?
He Replies: Heating up your dinner darling...
Dear Food Commercials,
Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed...
Sincerely
Normal People
I've Always Wanted to Spin Round in a Chair & Say: I’ve Been Expecting You
when someone touches your phone and you automaticaly turn into a ninja.
Texting a person in the same room as me, then staring at them until they get it
Akward moment when you are sitting there then your door opens and no one walks in and for those five seconds your thinking "i had a good/terrible life..." and then your cat walks in the door.......
That awesome moment when the teacher asks you a question, thinking you wasn't paying attention. Then you answer it right, it's like What now! B**tch!
I hate when I'm sitting on the couch at home after a long day, I put the tv on and then my whole family start having a competition of who can be the loudest...
The really long sarcastic 'Hahahahahaha' before the 'No.'
Dude! She just called you gay!
Oh hell no, here, hold my iPhone...