Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
I wish I was with you.
Alone...
In my room...
On my bed...
With the lights out...
Under the covers...
So I could show you my...
Amazing...
NEW GLOW IN THE DARK WATCH!!
Boy: BRB
Girl: M'kay..
-two hours later-
B: Hey
G: What took you so long?
B: Someone asked my why I loved you
G: Aww, that's so-
B: And I laughed so hard I fell against my computer and broke it.
G: ...
Like this to wish your mother a happy mothers day!
I love Mummy
I love Mummy
Yes I do
Yes I do
All I want to say is
Happy Mothers Day
I love you
I get paranoid when cars slow down near me, when I'm walking.
A blonde walks into a store.
Blonde: Can I get that T.V. in the corner please?
Shopkeeper: Sorry, I don't serve blondes.
The blonde goes and puts on a brunette wig.
Blonde: Can I get that T.V. in the corner please?
Shopkeeper: Sorry, I don't serve blondes.
Frustrated the blonde puts on a redhead wig.
Blonde: Can I get that T.V. in the corner please?
Shopkeeper: Sorry, I don't serve blondes.
Blonde: Damn it! How the hell'd you know I was a blonde!
Shopkeeper: That's not a T.V. in the corner it's a microwave.
Who lives in a coffin under the sea..... ♫ ♪....OSAMA BINLADEN! ...whooz freaky and evil but as dead as can be? OSAMA BINLADEN!...♫ ♪....If bombing a country be something you wish OSAMA BIN LADEN...♫ ♪.... Then then do it yourself cause this man is dead! OSAMA BIN LADEN...♫ ♪....
What girls want:
1) Find a perfect boyfriend.
2) Date that perfect someone.
3)Wait for him to propose to her.
4) Get married and have you own family
I dont have the best body,
The prettiest eyes,
The softest, most perfect hair,
Amazing skin,
Big boobs,
or even a picture perfect smile.
But that doesnt mean Im not good enough.
Interrupt me while i'm listening to music just to ask me for directions? Just for that i'm sending you in the wrong direction...
If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; If a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a knife,
Get in the van...
Jagerbombs
I am very suspicious about people who go jogging. It's funny, they are the ones who always seem to "Find" the bodies. I got my eye on you!
Admit it, at once in your life, we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position
I'm not s*xist. S*xism is wrong and being wrong is for women.
To all the users of Facebook: 1. Women, we do not wan't to see a profile picture of you making out with your boyfriend, it's disgusting. 2. Men, we know, your girlfriend is extremely hot, stop bragging about it or i'll rip your balls off.
When i was little i used to fall asleep on the sofa and wake up in bed, now i pass out on the sofa and wake up on the floor.
My wife said she is leaving me because she said I always relate everything to Batman...
... What a joker...
When someone likes your status that you shared about a week ago and you think to yourself..
“That b*tch must be stalking me…”
Hitting the snooze 14 times before you roll your lazy a$$ out of bed
Dear Facebook staff, instead of dicking around with the picture viewer with photos, can you perhaps fix your lag issues and faulty posting system? Oh and perhaps get around to that dislike button we asked for? Ok thank..
"screw you guys im going home!" - Eric Cartman
"Oh my god they killed Kenny!" - Kyle
"mm mmph mm mmph m mmm mph" - Kenny
LIKE IF U "LIKE" SOUTHPARK! :D
To all the people who don't believe in God...
Where do you think we came from? Monkeys?
OK, OK, but who do you think made the monkeys?!
Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and vulnerable, if you want to toughen up- grow a v*gina, those things can take a pounding
When nerdy girls in movies take off their glasses, they instantly become these beautiful girls that makes people stop and stare at their "newly found beauty". In real life when people take off their glasses, everyone just holds up fingers and asks them if they can see