Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
When someone says you have changed... It is because you stopped living your life their way.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Drinking your own piss because you're a fearless bastard!
Hey, who else thinks that Michelle Obama looks a lot like Aj's mom from Fairly Odd Parents?
When i was little i used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out :)
That "oh Sh*t" moment when you hear your mom shout your name from down stairs so you do a quick recap of all the things you have done recently to see if you're in trouble...
womens english-
yes= no.
no= yes.
maybe= no.
we need= i want.
i am sorry= you'll be sorry.
we need to talk= your in trouble.
of course, go ahead= you better not.
do what you want= you'll pay for this later.
im not upset= of course im upset, you moron!
Don't you hate it when you're texting lying down on your bed and all of a sudden your phone decides to be ninja and slips through your hands and attacks your face?
**** Things that make you go hmmmm? ****
If twin females marry twin males and each couple have a child, will both children look alike?
I like to lean back on the two back legs of my chair to see how long I can balance for, it's game over though when you have that mini heart attack from hell and you have to frantically grab on to something...
For Today Only (9/06/2011) go to Google, turn up the volume and have fun ;)
When David Beckham scores I drink BECKS.When Paul Scholes scores I drink SKOL.When Tommy Miller scores I drink Millers.Thank GOD David Seaman was a goalie!
Like this if you've ever...
Sat in your car staring out the window, wishing that the next car that comes up has a hot guy staring back at you
Why do men fart more then women?
******************************************
Because women never shut up long enough to build the required pressure...
To my ex: I don't like you like I thought
To my boyfriend: I like you a lot but I'm scared you'll hurt me
To my future:... I have nothing to say but don't hurt me more than those douches
Randomer: AHH A VAMPIRE!!!
Vampire: AHH A CHAV
*both turn and look at Edward Cullen*
AHHH A PIXIEE!!!!!!!!
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
girl: wanna try something new? bf: yeah k. girl: alright come to my house after school. (boy walks to her house thinks what does she want to do? does she want to have s*x, should i have a condom? will i need more than 1, i'll go buy some) 30 min later at girls house (boy knocks and girl answers) girl: "hey, come up to my room for your suprise" "bf: "alright" (as he's walking pulls out condom) *at door* girl: "ok, here we go, (bf's name) say hello to my mum and dad." (bf standing pants down)
In 2011 i've said "i love you" and meant it
No matter how old or young you are, whether you are male or female, when you see a bubble near you, you will try your hardest to try and catch it...
Dear Youtube, I have discovered that there is a glitch on Rebecca Black's music video, Friday. There is a "like" button. Please fix this ASAP.
Boy: Want to hear a joke about my cock? Actually never mind, its to long.
Girl: Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Actually never mind, you wont get it :)
Dear Justin Bieber,
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
..........................'...../
..........''............. _.·´
..........................(
..............................
Much love, Everyone. x
I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees.
Hitting stuff to make it work