Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Mum notices her sons bed has been made without her asking..Mum finds note on boys bed:
Mum im sorry, i have left home. I know im only 15 but my girlfriend is pregante and im going to live with her, you were never supportive and that really hurts me. dont bother looking for me, u wont find me. im sorry it has to be like this, but i dont see any other way.
P.S: MUM IM JOKING, I WAGGED SCHOOL TODAY AND I GOT BUSTED. IM AT AIDIANS. CALL ME WHEN U HAVE CALMED DOWN. xx
I hate how when you lose something and I spend hours looking for it and I don't find it. Then my mom looks and it magically appears after 2 minutes of looking..
Remember when getting high meant getting high on the swings in the park,
When protection meant wearing a helmet when riding a bike,
When the worst thing you could get from boys/ girls was cooties,
When Mom was your hero and Dad was Superman,
When race issues were about who could run the fastest,
When the only drugs you knew of were cough medicine,
When wearing a skirt didn't mean you were a slut
When the only thing that hurt was when you had a boo-boo,
And when good byes only meant until tomorrow?
We just couldn't wait to grow up.... Look at us now...
I walked into the pub toilet earlier, spotted a bloke at the urinals, and made my way to the cubicle.
Bloke laughed and said, "Embarrassed about your man muscle, hey, lad?"
A bit embarrassed, I said; "Of course not!" And made my way over to the urinal next to him.
What a hypocrite, he sure seemed embarrassed watching me take a dump.
Crazy kissing facts
-65% of people tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of the left
-men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don't.
-some theorize that when you kiss a person with the same hair color as yourself, the result is a more passionate kiss.
-on average a human will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime.
-our brains have special neurons that help us find each others lips in the dark
The Rugrats, Hey Arnold!, Ed, Edd & Eddy, Dexters Labatory, Rocket Power, The Wild Thornberries
All great shows when cartoons were the ish!
Yes I spend a lot of time on the internet.....
No it doesn't mean I'm anti-social...
Spooning
i'd catch a grenade for ya......lol jk, i'd press r2 and throw it back :D
Rebecca Black wrote the worst song ever. SHE DIDNT EVEN REALIZE???? then she cries like a baby saying *i thought it was good!!!!* seriously! she needs an ear, voice and whole body operation so that she can look at least dateable
There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette sawm 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!
Dear humans,
Remember how your parents always told you that we were more afraid of you than you were of us?
We're not.
Sincerely,
Spiders
Did you know that girls are like cond*ms?
....................They spend more time in your wallet than on your d*ck...
Who else has dreams where you end up in a fight and when you punch someone with all your might it doesn't even do anything.
Mom: "What are you doing?" Me: "Homework!" *Mom looks at the screen* "Really? When did they start putting it on Facebook?"
Making crazy scenarios in your head that will most likely not happen
A man and wife were driving down the road after having an argument, and neither one wanted to admit they were wrong. So when the man drives past a farm and sees a group of pigs, he asks his wife "Relatives of yours?" To this, the wife replies "Yep. In-laws."
I received a blank text from my wife the other day.When I got in from work I asked “Why did you send me a blank text?" She replied "Because I’m not talking to you.”
After a long night of sex, the guy rolled over, got a cig and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one,
"There might be some matches in the top drawer", she replied.
He opened the drawer and found a box of matches sitting on top of a pic of a man
*He began to worry*
"This your husband?" he asked,
"No silly," she replied,
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked,
"No not at all", she said nibbling away at his ear,
"Well who is he then?"
Calmly the girl replied "That's me before the operation..."
There are four kinds of s3x :
HOUSE S3X - When you are newly married and have s3x all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM S3X - After you have been married for a while, you only have s3x in the bedroom.
HALL S3X - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "F*CK YOU"
COURTROOM S3X - When your wife and her lawyer f*ck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
Saying sooooooooooo. to fill the silence... :)
The Girl you just called fat? She's starved herself & lost 15kgs. The Boy you just called stupid? He has a learning disability & studies 4hrs a night. The Girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The Boy you just tripped? He is already abused enough at home. There's more to people than you think. Like this if your against bullying.
All these 'likes' are starting to tell my whole life story
*FACEBOOK CHAT*
Girl- Who do you like?
Boy- I'm talking to her :)
Girl- Awww :)
Boy- Oh not you, it's another girl Im talking to.
Gir- ...
When i was a kid, i hated going to bed. Now i cherish every hour of sleep.