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The right way to kiss a girl ;)
Push her up against the wall
Hold her hands up with yours
Go in for the kill ;)
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
I hate when my parents text me..............
A simple "Come Home" turns into "cdjsome haofhme@&".....
"... for more details on how to fix your internet connection please visit www..."
Like this if this has ever happened to you.
Ain't it weird how when you go asleep for 8 hours it feels like 2 seconds.
Don't you just hate it when the phone rings after you just saw Scream, you pick it up and no one answers then after five seconds of complete horror they say 'sorry rong number'.
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it but can't eat it.
Sneaking food into the cinemas.. $4 for a pack of skittles my A$$!
elementary school: mummy i have a new friend. middle school: hey mom can ____ come over? mom: yeah whos that? you: my new friend. high school: *you and your friend walk in* mom: who's that? my friend...
The awkward moment when someone says they don't drink tea...
My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they're like 'Wanna trade cards?' Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll trade this, but not my charizard...
Sometimes you make me so angry that I feel like throwing you into a load of oncoming cars. But then I realise I would probably kill myself trying to save you afterwards...
Depressed? Earphones in, volume up & ignore the world.
What? Max Factor makes eyelashes 3x Longer?
Max Factor should make cond*ms!
Watching Dora the Explorer* Dora: Can you see Swiper? Preschool: He's right there! Middle School: This is stupid. High School: DORA! DORA! HE'S RIGHT THERE!! DON'T LET HIM SWIPE YOUR THINGS!! AHHH! NOOOO!
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, – “This is the WORST book I’ve ever read!” “It has NO plot and far too many characters!”
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks – “So, you’re the one who took our phone book…”
I bought a race horse today and called him "My Face". I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear some posh tw*ts shouting "Come on My Face!"
* 1:00 a.m. * Get up, walk calmly to the bathroom, pee, look in the mirror quickly to make sure there's no masked killer behind you, turn off the lights, run as fast as you can from the bathroom back into your bedroom and jump 2 feet in the air and land on the bed, pull the covers up to your chin and glance around the room to make sure you didn't leave any more killers behind you on your expedition back, relax and nuzzle back into your pillow. * 17 seconds later you hear a noise * jump up quickly and realize its the air conditioning coming on and think " man! those ninja's just wont give up tonight.. "
When a girl cries for a guy, it means she really misses him. But when a guy cries for a girl, it means no one can love that girl more than him!!!
To all the players out there, Women are born angels and when someone breaks our wings,we continue to fly...on broomsticks...So watch Out!
Secretly every teen looks at little kids on a trampoline, jungle gym, or bounce house, and thinks,"You lucky little b*stard, I would kill to be on that and not look like a f*cking retard."
I'm not a heartless person, I have just learned how to use my heart less...
I can be mature. i just choose to be immature so i can have fun :)
When I Was 7, Hannah Montana Was That's So Raven, I-Carly Was Drake & Josh,Justin Bieber Was Jesse Mccartney, Lady Gaga Was Britney Spears, Wizards Of Waverly Place Was Phill Of The Future, And Spongebob.. Is STILL Spongebob(;
So get ya knees flexin’ and your arms T-rexin’
Do the creep (haaaa)
And do the creep (haaa)
We are writing to inform you that.... We Win and you suck.
Lovefilm & Netflix.
Why. Is. It. That. When. I. Read. Stuff. Like. This. The. Little. Voice. In. My. Head. Takes. Little. Pauses?
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