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The right way to kiss a girl ;)
Push her up against the wall
Hold her hands up with yours
Go in for the kill ;)
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
BEST PRANK EVER. . I took my friend's phone and changed my contact name to mom.
Then texted her: I read you diary. You are grounded and I'm coming to pick you up right now. She started flipping out and got really scared
English kid: Here mum, I made you a card and breakfast!
German kid: Heir mum, I made you some Bratwursts!
Chinese kid: Here mum, I made you an Ipod!
"Class, I couldnt grade your papers. I was busy" yah. I couldn't do my homework. I was busy too.
What really is success?
at 2 years: success is to have dry underwear.
at 10 years: success is to have friends your own age.
at 18 years: success is to have a license.
at 20 years: success is to have a wife and good sex.
at 30 years: success is to have a lot of money.
at 50 years: success is to have a lot of money.
at 60 years: success is to have a wife and good sex.
at 70 years: success is to have a license.
at 75 years: success is to have friends your own age.
at 80 years: success is to have dry underwear.
at 100 years: success is to outlive all your friends.
A pretty girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly, the rising sun can kiss the grass, but you my friend, yes you, you can kiss my ass
Ripping grass out of the ground and putting it on the person next to you :)
Two hookers standing on a street corner started discussing business. One of the hookers said, ''Gonna be a good night, I smell c*ck in the air.'' The other hooker looked at her and said, ''Sorry No, I just burped.''
That awkward moment when your walking down the road, minding your own business and BAM! You walk into a spiders web and have to bust out your kung fu ninja chopping moves!
A neutron walks into a bar.
The neutron ask the bartender:
"How much do you charge for a beer?"
The bartender looks up and down on him, and says:
"For you, no charge."
Physics joke haha. :D
I bet that in 1915 they thought 2010 would be made of flying cars and robots instead, we have;
rebels in school because the cane is gone, teenagers who wear short skirts and low tops, and offensive logos on shirts, no robots, no flying cars, just a bunch of smart asses! (: but, welcome to the future grandma (:
Why do people say "Don't worry, I don't bite" when talking to a stranger? I mean, I've never been like "Sh*t! this person is gonna bite me for sure, I better stay away!"...
I hate when my parents text me..............
A simple "Come Home" turns into "cdjsome haofhme@&".....
On you-tube when it says 'video not available in your country' whatt??? where do you think i am from?!! NARNIA !!
why do i let the smallest things get to me?
yes, i have boobs, no you can't touch them, yes they are very big, no you can't touch them, yes my butt looks good in these pants, but yet again no you cant touch it
girl-- *flips guy over 20 feet in the air and bashes his face in when he hits the floor*
you had your fair warning, now dont touch
like if u know a guy who would do this.
Holy sh*t! F*ck i'm so sorry miss, I didn't realise my shirt was untucked, is everyone alright? no ones hurt, right?
I Do Things For You I Wouldent Do For Anyone Else And You Dont Even Realise
Does anyone else wake up during the middle of the night thirsty as hell, so you go down stairs for a glass of water and it tastes so good that it's like it has come from God's personal garden river?
What makes a girl cute is her behavior.
What makes a girl pretty is her face.
What makes a girl hot is her body.
What makes a girl beautiful is her personality.
What makes a girl stunning is all of the above.
I walked into the pub toilet earlier, spotted a bloke at the urinals, and made my way to the cubicle.
Bloke laughed and said, "Embarrassed about your man muscle, hey, lad?"
A bit embarrassed, I said; "Of course not!" And made my way over to the urinal next to him.
What a hypocrite, he sure seemed embarrassed watching me take a dump.
Teacher: Jamie what is the answer to question 2 ?
Kid behind him (whispers): 56
Teacher: (suprised) well done thats right
Teacher: could you explain how you worked it out to the class please.
"I failed!" "Me too!!" "HIGH FIVE!"
Stop looking at me like that.. Its making me want to kiss you! :)
5 missed calls from your mate, you missed a good party last night.
5 missed calls from your best friend, they want to hang out.
5 missed calls from your girlfriend, she wants to talk.
5 missed calls from your Mum, YOU'RE SCREWED!!!!
Call me a slut, call me a whore, if u dont like me there's the door. call me anorexic, call me fat, i can put it on or i can lose that. call me annoying, call me dumb, excuse me miss I'm having fun. call me a flirt, call me a fake, that's just me so give me a break. call me weird, call me a geek, call me what you want, I'm just unique
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