Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Sometimes I get really depressed for no reason, but then remember.... I have, huge, round, perky boobs!
Dear humans,
Remember how your parents always told you that we were more afraid of you than you were of us?
We're not.
Sincerely,
Spiders
Watching Dora the Explorer* Dora: Can you see Swiper? Preschool: He's right there! Middle School: This is stupid. High School: DORA! DORA! HE'S RIGHT THERE!! DON'T LET HIM SWIPE YOUR THINGS!! AHHH! NOOOO!
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have s*x when the girl stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for s*x." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."
I Hate Getting Texts That Only Say "k"
Making weird noises when you stretch.
In Reception, i crossed my arms as high as i could to get let out first!!
My teacher told us essays are like skirts.... "Long enough to cover the subject short enough to make it interesting."
Men only say 'Ladies first' so they can look at there arse
Fire bell gose of in school.
Year 7: OMG WE ARE GONNA DIE
Year 8: I cant leave my bag behind!
Year 9: Is it a real fire?! XD
Year 10: meh.. proberlly a drill
Year 11: I started it :D
Showers aren't just for cleaning, and some people don't go in just for cleaning.... It's for...
A place thinking about life...
A place when your depressed...
A place to sing without getting embarrassed...
A place for alone time...
A place to get warmth...
Showers are amazing!
I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST
LIKE N OONE EVER WAS
DUN DUN DUN
TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST
TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAAAUUUUUUSE
i remember when the best joke in school was this..
Person 1: supercalafragalisticexpealadocious how do you spell 'it'
Person 2: I dont know.
Person 1: i.t. duhh
When everything in your life goes wrong, there's always that one person to put a smile on your face
What if our dreams are just blurred memories of our previous lives...
Dear Headphones,
I Know you are really fond of each other but please please stop having wild s*x in my pocket.
Sincerely,
Tired of Untangling.
As we grow up, we don't lose friends, we just learn who the real ones are
When you walk up to somebody on a computer, how do you know they were watching p*rn?
Because they are just sitting there on the Google homepage...
If you think it is necessary to judge me by my past, then don't get angry when I decide to leave your sorry A$$ there...
1/1/11, 11/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/11/11 All In ONE Year! ♥
Dwayne Johnson, you will always be 'The Rock' in my heart.
I forgave you for what you did, but i still die a little inside every time i think about it.
I can never finish cleaning my room because of all the cool stuff I find....
Roses are red and ready for plucking
She's sixteen and ready for...
High school. How did you THINK it would end? ;)
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.