Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Asking who is the 'man' and who is the 'woman' in a gay relationship is like going into a Chinese restaurant and asking which chopstick is the fork.
Whoever let women in the army, I salute you.
Women on their period, with a gun...
Unstoppable!
Can you find the the mistake?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
Then: "...and do you speak any languages?"
Me: Yes, I speak the truth, that seems to be a foreign language to everyone that I meet.
I put my phone on aeroplane mode and threw it into the air....
WORST. TRANSFORMER. EVER!
If you want to know where your heart is, pay attention to where you mind wonders.
boy: i bet you 5 buck i can make your boobs jiggle without using my hands.
girl: ok then
boy: (grabs a hold of her boobs n starts jiggling them) oh well heres your 5 bucks
When Im out in public, I stop and think to my self every now and again "I know you can read my thoughts & I can read yours..."
Just in case
Welcome to our society. You will be judged on what you wear, which music you listen to, what you look like, how you act, who you hang around with, and on practically every other personal trait and imperfection about you, and you'll be made fun of for being who you are. Enjoy your stay.
Dear Yahoo,
Have you ever heard anyone say "I Dunno, Yahoo It!"
I don't think so!
Sincerely
Google
whoever created this page:A girl finds out she has ovarian cancer, and can't find a donor. She tells her boyfriend but he doesn't even look up from the TV. The girl finally gets a donor and after the surgery asks her mum "Who donated the ovaries?" That girl visits her boyfriends grave everyday. aw :')
If someone who has a problem asks you for your advice.....
Just answer: "The answer is simple. We kill the Batman..."
Men are the best cooks
***************************
because with two eggs, one sausage and a little bit of milk, we can fill a woman's stomach for nine months.
WHY DO WE NEED SCHOOL ?
•MUSIC: We have YouTube for that.
•SPORT: I have a Wii.
•LANGUAGES: I watch Dora.
•ENGLISH: Everything is shortened anyway. ( LOL,BRB )
•MATH: That’s why we have calculators.
•GEOGRAPHY: I’ll buy a globe.
•DRAMA: that's why I watch eastenders!
HISTORY:They’re all dead anyway
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
Life is like a jar of jalapeños:
*********************************
What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Being sarcastic and everyone thinks you are being serious..
Read each sentence:This is this cat. This is is cat.This is how cat. This is to cat. This is keep cat. This is a cat. This is retard cat. This is busy cat. This is for cat. This is 40 cat. This is seconds cat. Now read every third word in each sentence :)
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours? SON: At school*Robot slaps Son* SON: OK,I went to the movies. DAD: Which one? SON: Toy Story*Robot slaps son again* SON: OK, it was paranormal 3. DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I wasnt even aloud to see scary movies until i was 18!*Robot slaps Dad* MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son.*Robot slaps mom*
Dude, she just called you something which you are. OH HELL NO!! Hold my object which reinforces the stereotype which I fit.
Last night I was laying in my bed looking up at the stars thinking to myself... "WHERE THE F*CK IS MY ROOF?!"
Don't you just hate it when your having a conversation with someone and then your spit decides to leap out of your mouth and land on the other person.
Even weirder is the fact both of you know what has just happened and you just ignore it...
The embarrassment when you walk out of the house and have to go back in to change, because you realise that you're just too sexy for your shirt :/
I get so jealous when I am watching MTV cribs. They're like "...and this is my bedroom where all the magic happens"
I wish I had a magician that performed in my bedroom...