Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Dear Ladies,
If Cinderella could get Prince Charming without taking her dress off, so can you!
Sincerely,
Not all men are jerks...
When you're having a really bad day..................... Remember that once upon a time you were the fastest sperm out of 300,000,000 other sperms.
Girl at 5 years of age: Daddy, can i go to Maddy's party? (:
dad: sure, sweety.
Girl at 13 years of age: Dad, can i go to the park with some friends?
Dad: okay, but stay off the road, you hear me?
Girl at 16 years of age: dad, can i please go to the movies with my boyfriend.
Dad: I think i should come.
Girl: .... -.-
Dear Justin Bieber,
THINK FAST!
…..____________________ , ,__
……/ `—___________—-_____] – - – - – - – - ░ ▒▓▓█D
…../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
…..), —.(_(__) /
….// (..) ), —-”
…//___//
..//___//
.//___//
That WTF moment when your reading a WTF moment and you realise that you have had the same WTF moment and you are like WTF!
To all the people who don't believe in God...
Where do you think we came from? Monkeys?
OK, OK, but who do you think made the monkeys?!
(ッ)
./|.
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(ッ)
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(ッ)
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Every Day I'm shufflin'.......
A Chicken crossed the road and met James Bond. The chicken said : .. What's your name ? .." Bond, James Bond. What's your's ? ,, Ken, Chick Ken "
During hot, passionate s*x with my girlfriend, the famous, heroic words were moaned...
"You make me feel like a woman.."
I dont know why i said it, it just felt right.
CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMMMMEERRR 2011 :D
When my little brother doesn't stop crying, I show him the video of him being born in REVERSE and say "That's what happens to little kids if they don't stop crying!"
*After a Date*
Boy: I"ve...had the time of my life.
Girl: Me too.
Boy: And I"ve never felt this way before.
Girl: Me too!
Boy: I swear, this is true...
Girl: *Smiles*
Boy: ...And I owe it all to you. *looks at girl*
Girl: Aww! Your so sweet! I love yo-
Boy: DIRTY BIT. *starts breakdancing really hard right there in the middle of the street*
Girl: ..
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
"Dude! She just call-" "You know what? I don't care what she just called me. To be honest, I'm slightly confused as to how you keep hearing what she just said without me being aware of it, as we are obviously in close proximity. Oh, and another thing, how many things can you hold? Seriously? You already have my turtle, black ops, cake, and mascara, amongst other things. Just, just stop. Please.
I saw a warning label in a packet of razors that said "Warning, Do not use during an earthquake."
What the hell? "Oh sh*t an earthquake, let me go and shave my legs!"
Justin Bieber is a girl? His voice has now broken.
Justin Bieber is gay? He is with Selena Gomez.
Justin Bieber is a crap singer? Justin Timberlake and Usher fought over him, and all the big names want to collab with him.
Justin Bieber sucks? He has his own movie.
Stop being jealous trolls and learn to appreciate that some people are a lot more talented than you, he just followed his dream. How would you like it if you got hated on for no reason?
Like this page if you respect Justin Bieber.
Its funny how when you have a pack of gum, BAM! Everyone suddenly becomes your "Best friend" and they expect you to give them a piece and the only reason you give them a piece is so they leave you alone.
Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of the vending machine at once...
Secretly every teen looks at little kids on a trampoline, jungle gym, or bounce house, and thinks,"You lucky little b*stard, I would kill to be on that and not look like a f*cking retard."
The moment you walk into a spiders web, you automatically turn in to a karate chopping ninja!
A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean" So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on. The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?" "No I'm a blonde", she replies. "I thought so.. your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.
See this cup? It's got alcohol in it. Therefore anything I do or say beyond this point should not be taken seriously and I apologise in advanced for anything that may cause harm or offence.
When you check the refrigerator one minute and find nothing to eat, then you goe back 5 minutes later as if something is magically going to appear.
I'm a girl.
I don't smoke.
I don't drink.
I don't party every weekend.
I don't wear three inches of makeup.
I don't put sultry pictures of my bra showing online.
I don't make out with loads of guys, or other girls, to get attention.
I'm a girl, and I'm me.
And I'm not going to change for anyone.
the difference between friends and best friends..
firends: brb need the loo :L:$
bestfriends: 1 sec, need a sh*t.