Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Kid: Mum, can i wear a mini-skirt today?
Mum: No
Kid: Can i wear lipstick?
Mum: No
Kid: Can i wear high heels?
Mum: No!
Kid: But Mum im 17 years old!
Mum: I know Justin, i know
**** Seriously. Come on, it's 2011 already ****
Can we please have:
1. Waterproof Phones
2. Flying Cars
3. Portals
*********** I used to do this **************
Pretending to think hard when the teacher is looking at you...
If all girls started wearing no make up and comfortable clothes
guys would have no choice but to fall for girls because of natural beauty
and search for our personalities instead of just focusing on how hot we usually try to look.
If only it was that easy ♥
What if our dreams are just blurred memories of our previous lives...
Yo mama so stupid that one day i was her with 2 quarters in her ears. When i asked what she was doing she said, "I am listening to 50 cent."
People say you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.
Listening to a song, and remembering all the memories that go with it
Shes my best friend of course im going to tell her everything you just said
I really feel sorry for that person who writes the terms and conditions...
Secretly every teen looks at little kids on a trampoline, jungle gym, or bounce house, and thinks,"You lucky little b*stard, I would kill to be on that and not look like a f*cking retard."
Daughter: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making...
Mom: Why is that, what are you making?
Daughter: Mistakes.
Dear Food Commercials,
Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed...
Sincerely
Normal People
Texting the person next to you stuff you cant say out loud
I heard you’re a player, so lets play a game.
Let’s sweet talk.
Let’s play fight.
Let’s talk 24/7.
Let’s tell each other good morning and good night every day.
Let’s take walks together.
Let’s give each other nicknames.
Let’s hang out with each other’s friends.
Let’s go on dates.
Let’s talk on the phone all night long.
Let’s hold each other.
Let’s kiss and hug.
And whoever falls in love first? Loses.
It's like my mom always says, "Never hold in your farts, if you do then the fart will travel up your spine and go into your brain and that's where all the sh*tty ideas come from...
Mr Krabs: ...that makes you look like a girl...
Spongebob: Am I a pretty girl?
Mr Krabs: Well. Yes, you're... you're beautiful
*** Awkward moment when mail man walks past ****
People always say "More Money More Problems..." but without money you have bigger problems...
It's not that I hate you... it's just, put it this way. if you were on fire and I had water, i'd drink it.
You're a true 90's kid if you ever heard "Get off the internet..... I need to use the phone......"
*GIRLS*
Hair: 30min-2hrs..
Makeup: 5-20mins.
Outfit: 10min-3hrs.
*BOYS*
Hair: 0-5mins.
Makeup: I hope not.
Outfit: 1-10mins.
No Mom, It doesnt matter whether I go to bed at 9:00pm Or 2:00am When I wake up tomorrow at 6am I'll be tired either way.
-Friday-
Teacher: "Okay students, remember, that report is due Monday first thing!"
You *when you get home*: "Psh, nobody does homework on a Friday. I'll start it tomorrow."
-Saturday-
"Haha, what WAS I thinking?! Who does homework on a SATURDAY? ..the f*ck I look like..."
-Sunday-
*10:30AM* "Hmm.. It's too early. I'll do it later.
*3:00PM* "It can wait. I have time."
*11:43PM* (on facebook) "..........................................OH SH*T!"
Brunette: When I grow up I wanna go to MARS!
Normal: I WANNA STAY ON EARTH WHEN I GROW UP
Blondie: I WANNA GO TO THE SUN WHEN I GROW UP!
Brunette and Normal: BUT U'LL BURN!
Blondie: DONT BE STUPID IM GOING AT NIGHT
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia...
I can't sleep because I have an Internet Connection