Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
I trial an*l s*x with my girlfriend last weekend. But i think i was doing it wrong, because no matter how hard i pushed, i couldnt get my whole butt in her p*ssy...
Teacher: Jamie what is the answer to question 2 ?
Jamie: Umm
Kid behind him (whispers): 56
Jamie: 56
Teacher: (suprised) well done thats right
Jamie: thanks
Teacher: could you explain how you worked it out to the class please.
Jamie: Umm.................................................................................
Listen very carefully, this is a very important question................................................
Do you know... The Muffin man?
Thank you phone, for letting me look at you in awkward situations
ask me if i'm a tree.
no.
ask me if i'm a tree.
NO.
ask me if i'm a tree.
ARE YOU A FUCKING TREE?
wtf? why would i be a tree?
I've got a dilemma, I haven't washed up for weeks, so....
Do I now wash the dishes...?
Or
Do I attempt to eat cornflakes from a cup.... with a knife...?
God made coke.
God made pepsi.
God made me.
Oh so sexy.
God made rivers.
God made lakes.
God made you.
Well.. we all make mistakes.
Have you ever wonered why McDonalds don't do hotdogs?
Well would you really want a McWeiner in your mouth?
HOT SURFACE, DO NOT TOUCH! "Hmmmm, I wonder how hot is hot"………..AHHH!!
As we grow up, we don't lose friends, we just learn who the real ones are
how can someone you once were so close to, just all of a sudden ignore you like its no big deal
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a knife,
Get in the van...
What’s the point of getting suspended?
How on earth is that considered the right thing to do?
Teachers must not realise that bad children DON’T LIKE SCHOOL so why give them suspension that’s just adding another good thing to there list.
When a girl hacks a Facebook account: OMG Amy! You have been hacked By Megan! Love Ya
When a boy hacks a Facebook account: Im gay!
*At the mall*
Me: Dad! Can I please buy this?
Dad: Use your own money!
me: But I left it at home!
Dad: Ok, but you gotta pay me back later..
*At home"
dad forgets.
you go with the flow.
Like if this ever happened to you :)
I don't care if it's 5 minutes or a whole night, i just want to see you.
After hot passionate s*x last night with my girlfriend, she snuggled up next to me and said "You know, You are by far the biggest I've ever had"
Apparently, "Ditto" is no the right response...
Mother's day:
English kid: Here mum, I made you a card and breakfast!
German kid: Heir mum, I made you some Bratwursts!
Chinese kid: Here mum, I made you an Ipod!
If a guy compliments your shirt,
He's really saying he likes the way your boobs look in that shirt
If a guy compliments your pants,
he likes your ass
If he compliments (your shoes)
well hun, he's gay.
Sometimes We Expect More From Others Because We Would Be Willing to Do That Much for Them.
You fight like a married couple, you talk like best friends, you flirt like first loves, and protect each other like brother and sister, obviously its meant to be.
I'm 14 Years Old.
I am a boy.
I don't fight.
I don't swear.
I don't drink.
I care about my family.
I don't need to have loads of friends to get far in life.
I like my music.
My life is fine the way it is.
^ What life?
Who else has dreams where you end up in a fight and when you punch someone with all your might it doesn't even do anything.
The Girl you just called fat? She's starved herself & lost 15kgs. The Boy you just called stupid? He has a learning disability & studies 4hrs a night. The Girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The Boy you just tripped? He is already abused enough at home. There's more to people than you think. Like this if your against bullying.
Is it just me, or does having family members as friends on Facebook limit the things that you can say.