Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
That moment of fame when you in class at school and your name is in a math problem
I get so jealous when I am watching MTV cribs. They're like "...and this is my bedroom where all the magic happens"
I wish I had a magician that performed in my bedroom...
A boy walks into kitchen to find parents having s*x, the dad looks at the boy and winks. that night the father finds the boy in his bedroom having s*x with his nana, the boy rolls over, winks and says "not so funny when it's your mum is it"
Women who work at Hooters may be super hot and more fun. But lets face it, the ladies who work in Subway are probably more wife material.
Justin Bieber is a girl? His voice has now broken.
Justin Bieber is gay? He is with Selena Gomez.
Justin Bieber is a crap singer? Justin Timberlake and Usher fought over him, and all the big names want to collab with him.
Justin Bieber sucks? He has his own movie.
Stop being jealous trolls and learn to appreciate that some people are a lot more talented than you, he just followed his dream. How would you like it if you got hated on for no reason?
Like this page if you respect Justin Bieber.
It is better to spend ten minutes In this world and be late then speed and spend five minutes In the next world
Ask me if I'm a crab.
no
Ask me if I'm a crab
no!
Ask me if I'm a crab
NO!
Ask me if I'm a crab
ARE YOU A FUCKING CRAB!?
no, why would I be a crab?
Just shut up, you don't know the situation.
Drinking your own piss because you're a fearless bastard!
The awkward moment when they go to take my school photo and the lady is like to me you're muscles are to big for the photo get out of here
If I Saw This In My House I'd Run! :L
*Texting dad*
You: Hey dad, can I get some money for some coke?
Dad: Sure... is $60 enough?
You: Dad. It's $1.25.
Dad: Wow, the price sure went down from when I was a kid...
You: DAD! COCA-COLA?
Dad: Oh...
Me, sarcastic? Never..
Did you know that opinions are like org*sms?
............Mine's more important and I don't give a f*ck if she has one!
Dear Ladies,
If Cinderella could get Prince Charming without taking her dress off, so can you!
Sincerely,
Not all men are jerks...
Shiiiiit, look who's online...LOG OUT LOG OUT LOG OUT..."Hey whats up?"...damn.
There was this lady and she really wanted to have s*x, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.
The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a p*nis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle p*nis my v*gina' and it will start having s*x with you".
So later she tries out the pickle p*nis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled p*nis"
Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE P*NIS MY A$$"
Stupid Question: When people see you lying down with your eyes closed and they ask, "Are You Sleeping?"
Smart Answer: "No! I'm training to die..."
I Restart The Song When I Miss My Favorite Part
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
That night when you are spastically drunk, you step off a wall out the back of a club and smash your head on concrete stairs then security run inside and laugh.... Then call you an ambulance :D
The other night me and my girlfriend had an argument just before bed. She called me childish and said I have to sleep on the couch.
But the jokes on her, because I built a fort out of the cushions on the couch and i hung a "Girls Not Allowed" sign up.
I THINK FACEBOOK NEEDS A "NOBODY CARES' BUTTON
When i was little i used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out :)
That embarrassing moment when you haven't been on Facebook for a while,and only have one (1) notification.......and it's a game request.........from a person you don't even know!?
Like if this has ever happened to you O.o