Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
When ever I want to do something and my Mom doesn't agree, she always plays the "It's my house, my rules" card. But as soon as there is some cleaning that needs doing, she always flips it and it magically becomes my house too... FML.
In order to succeed, your desire for success has to be greater than your fear of failure - Bill Cosby
That night when you are spastically drunk, you step off a wall out the back of a club and smash your head on concrete stairs then security run inside and laugh.... Then call you an ambulance :D
squidward: spongebob, were you dropped on your head as a baby?
spongebob: aww *giggles* how did you know? *grins*
squidward: I'm a fortune teller
*******I Hate When This Happens #85********
When you just miss a call from someone so you call them back after two seconds and they don't answer. Like WTF are you doing?!
I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent. - Marilyn Monroe
Blonde: Look! You can get a laptop here for four dollars!
Brunette: What?
Blonde: Yeah! And it's even big!
Brunette: We're at McDonald's. They don't sell computers.
Blonde: Yes they do! Check the menu! Big Mac - $4.
Brunette: ........
Last night I was laying in my bed looking up at the stars thinking to myself... "WHERE THE F*CK IS MY ROOF?!"
I really can fly, i just don't do it in public
meeting new people who you instantly get along with :)
There's a new Facebook group called "All boys should take a compulsory GCSE in 'How to treat a female."
Lesson 1: the backhander...
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
A kiss blown in a kiss wasted. A kiss isn't a kiss until it's tasted. Kisses spread germs and germs are hated. So come over here and kiss me because I'm vaccinated.
I'm not s*xist. S*xism is wrong and being wrong is for women.
I might hug other guys, i might laugh with other guys, i might even hang out with other guys.. but none of them will ever mean to me as much as you do.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up
That awkward moment when someone yells at you for clicking you pen so you stop, but then realise that you have to click it once more so that you can use it.
Men are born between a woman's legs. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in-between them.
Why?
Because there is no place like home...
Video games to guys are like women. If you're easy, then we do it and move on. We like a challenge, but not too difficult because then eventually we will just cheat.
Holy sh*t! F*ck i'm so sorry miss, I didn't realise my shirt was untucked, is everyone alright? no ones hurt, right?
When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be "Left £1million in the..."
The awkward moment when I'm drunk and you're still ugly...
Have you ever wonered why McDonalds don't do hotdogs?
Well would you really want a McWeiner in your mouth?
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
2pac of Eminems are 50 Cent. That's Ludacris! I Want my Nickleback...