Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
"Sexy" means I want you. "Pretty" means I like you. "Beautiful" means I love you. "Gorgeous" means all of the above and that is because you are the best thing that ever happened to me :)
Don't you just hate it when the phone rings after you just saw Scream, you pick it up and no one answers then after five seconds of complete horror they say 'sorry rong number'.
Why is it that when my mom looks for something, it magically appears...
You would think that with all this animal testing going on, they could at least invent a shampoo that doesn't burn your eyes...
Hello Justin Bieber. I want to play a game. Throughout the years you have soiled the meaning of good music. There? will be consequences. The device attached to your abdomen will trigger in 75 seconds, sending a metal bar up your ass. Your chances at surviving is the key located in your ashophogus, inside your lungs, the very lungs that have soiled the ears of the innocent. How much blood will you sacrifice to continue? your life? The choice is yours. Let the game begin.
HER?
the one you just called fat? she has been starving herself and she has lost over 30 pounds.
the one you just called stupid? she has a learning disability and studies over 4 hours a night.
the one you just called ugly? she spends over 3 hours puting makeup on hoping people will think she is petty.
the one you just called a sook? i would be crying to if my mother was dead.
the one you just tripped? she is abused enough at home.
there is alot more to people then you think.
girl: dad i'm pregnant
dad: WHERES MY SHOT GUN
son: dad i'm pregnant
dad: WHERES M.....wait what what the f***
When you put your leg out of your blanket because your hot, and then getting scared because you feel exposed to monsters!!
Periods late..
//..Haven't had sex..\
................................
i must be carrying the next baby Jesus.
The awkward moment when chat is down for maintenance and you cant ask your long term girlfriend of 5 years to marry you and she decides to ditch you for an Eskimo and moves to Alaska just because chat was down for maintenance.
The awkward moment when your late for class, then when you walk in, everyone just stares at you... like you killed someone...
Some people wish that Morgan Freeman narrated their lives. I on the other hand would choose Optimus Prime...
Clerk: Hi, welcome To McDonalds, what can I get you?
Me: Hi, can I get half a dozen chicken nuggets please?
Clerk: Oh I'm sorry, we only serve 6, 10 or 20.
Me: So you can't serve me half a dozen chicken nuggets?
Clerk: No, only 6, 10, or 20
Me: OK, interesting...
"Class, I couldnt grade your papers. I was busy" yah. I couldn't do my homework. I was busy too.
Dear Chair,
I understand that you get more a$$, but I get more head.
Sincerely,
Pillow
Someone needs to help Rihanna, she likes rude boys, loves it when people lie to her, she forgot her name, and thinks she's the only girl in the world!
You can make anything work if you really want it to.
Can not connect to network. Try resetting your wireless router" umm ok but what if my router is in my neighbor's house? Should I call him?
Three things we have all done:
1. Googled the word 'Google'.
2. Went on Google Earth just to view your own house.
3. When Dora Says "What Part Did You Like?", You say a rude answer.
Who in the hell came up with milking a cow...... Likw, what was going through that guys brain? And why on earth did he drink it?
A boy is crying while watching TV.
Mum: What's wrong?
Boy: Justin Bieber just got shot on CSI!
Mum: Aww, honey, it's not real, he's still alive...
Boy: That's why I'm crying.
What did Barrack say to Michelle when he proposed?
"I don't wanna be Obama self..."
Spitting Your Drink Out Because You're Laughing
*boy at gym doing situps
62....63....64....65...66....
*hot girl walks by*
69.....69...69.....69.....
Friends:
"is my makeup okay?"
"Yes, it looks really nice :)"
Best friends:
"does my makeup look okay?"
"No. you look a mess. Sort it out."