Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
My dog is the best. If anyone was stupid enough to break into my house, then my dog would protect me...
Unless that person had a vacuum, then I would die...
I like the fact that I am able to honestly say "I know the difference between their, there, they’re, then, than, effect and affect!!!"
Learn English people!
I am not random YOU just can't think as fast as me.
That Awkward moment when your sitting in a toilet cubical minding your own business and BAM! a unicorn bursts in and trys to sell you weed.
Yes I spend a lot of time on the internet.....
No it doesn't mean I'm anti-social...
If you love two people at the same time, choose the second person because if you truly loved the first person, you wouldn't of fell in love with the second person...
The Rugrats, Hey Arnold!, Ed, Edd & Eddy, Dexters Labatory, Rocket Power, The Wild Thornberries
All great shows when cartoons were the ish!
**** You never guess what I saw today!!! ****
I was walking down the road to the shop and I saw a woman who was wearing more make-up than clothes... It's disgraceful how women expose every part of their body in today's society...
See this cup? It's got alcohol in it. Therefore anything I do or say beyond this point should not be taken seriously and I apologise in advanced for anything that may cause harm or offence.
Boy: Want to hear a joke about my cock? Actually never mind, its to long.
Girl: Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Actually never mind, you wont get it :)
When i was a kid, i always used to search my parents rooms to find out what i would be getting for christmas. Although, i never did receive a pleasure max 3000...
A Chicken crossed the road and met James Bond. The chicken said : .. What's your name ? .." Bond, James Bond. What's your's ? ,, Ken, Chick Ken "
Admit it, at once in your life, we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position
Some people give up fast because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come.
Yes...
I'm a girl
I push doors that clearly say PULL
I laugh harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing.
I walk into a room and [forget] why I was there
I count on my fingers in math class
I try to accomplish things with time still on the microwave
I Lie Sometimes to hide the pain
I say its a long story when it's really not
I fall in love too hard too fast
Girl: I'm going to kill you.
Boy: Why?
Girl: You've invaded my privacy.
Boy: How so?
Girl: You're in my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, even my diary. You tiptoe into my mind all the time.
Boy: So, you kind of love me, huh?
Can I pretty please keep you forever? :')
Having like 50 t-shirts but you only wear 7 of them and complaining that you have no clothes...
If you loved/knew Eminem before "not afraid" or "love the way you lie"
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
**** Things that make you go hmmmm? ****
Why is there an eject button on a DVD remote? I mean I still have to get up and take the DVD out...
It's like having a remote to open the fridge...
When I Was Younger, I Put My Face Close To The Fan To Hear My Robot Voice
As we grow up, we don't lose friends, we just learn who the real ones are
*******I Hate When This Happens #69********
When you and your partner have just finished with forepl*y and are about to have s*x, then you are interupted by something... Like a phone call, or the sudden urge to go to the toilet....
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please don't freak out if I don't answer my phone the first time. The chances of the battery being dead are much greater than the chances that I've been abducted and murdered by a serial killer.
Sincerely, 35 missed calls.