Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
When you log on to facebook and see 89 notifications, and 6 messages you know you've said something you shouldn't have.
There are 5 kinds of guys out there:
70% of guys are great friends, but will not be great boyfriends
20% of guys are bad.
5% of guys are gays.
4% of guys are geeks.
Like if you are the 1% that will always love, tender your Gf or wife and kindhearted, pure person.
Am i the only one that feels like a bad a$$ when I walk outside after watching an action film at the cinema's and I pretend like I was one of the main characters in that film?
You: 'Can Ellie stay over?'
Mum: 'Ellie who?'
You: 'Ellie Smith?'
Mum: 'Who's she?'
You: 'She came over last weekend'
Mum: '?'
You: 'The fat one?' -_-
Mum: 'Oh riiiighhhht!'
Like if this ever has happend to you
Me: Ask me if im a tree.
Friend: No
Me: ask me if im a tree.
Friend: NO
Me: Ask me if im a tree.
Friend: FINE ARE YOU A F*CKING TREE??
Me: No
Some guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so i gave him a cup of water...
How do you get a girl to squeeze her t*ts together?
***********************************************************
Ask her if she can touch both of her elbows together...
Having my birthday in January (:
"Clean your room, family are coming over." "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise the gathering would be held in my bedroom."
"Girl is over her boyfriend house"
Boy:(Playing Xbox)
Girl:(sitting on the boys bed sad)
Boy:Whats wrong babe?
Girl:Oh nothin
Boy:(Turns off Xbox)
Girl:Why did you stop playing?
Boy:Cause my baby girl is more important than my xbox
Girl:Awh(smiles)
Boy:( Turns on Playstation3 )
saving a photo as
jkjksghjhgjfkhgk
because you're too lazy to write a proper title
If a guy compliments your shirt,
He's really saying he likes the way your boobs look in that shirt
If a guy compliments your pants,
he likes your ass
If he compliments (your shoes)
well hun, he's gay.
The embarrassment when you walk out of the house and have to go back in to change, because you realise that you're just too sexy for your shirt :/
I've been suspended from school for another three days. When my biology teacher asked me what my favourite element was, karate chopping her and saying "Element of Suprise" was wrong.
TODAY,
I saw a cute little six or seven year old girl wearing Hannah Montana socks.
I asked her if she liked Hannah Montana.
She said no; she liked to wear these socks,
because she got to step on Miley Cyrus every time she walked.
I love this kid.
hearing yourself sing in the shower and wondering why the fuck you havent made an album yet.
One of my biggest goals in life that I wish to reach is being able to finish a whole tub of chap stick before I end up loosing the mother f*cker.
I hate it when i sleep at someones house and wake up AGES before them.
You fight like a married couple, you talk like best friends, you flirt like first loves, and protect each other like brother and sister, obviously its meant to be.
I bought a race horse today and called him "My Face". I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear some posh tw*ts shouting "Come on My Face!"
Harry Potter made wizards cool again, Left 4 Dead made zombies cool again, The Dark Knight made superheroes cool again, Twilight made vampires uncool forever
The Rugrats, Hey Arnold!, Ed, Edd & Eddy, Dexters Labatory, Rocket Power, The Wild Thornberries
All great shows when cartoons were the ish!
The awkward moment when you're at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at so you just stand their and pet the dog.
Why is my bed suddenly so comfortable when the alarm goes off?