Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Eyeing your toys suspiciously after watching Toy Story.
When I came on my girlfriend, I put a little on jizz on my thumb and wiped it across her forehead and whispered "Simba..."
If more females would sit down and be ladies, more males would stand up and be gentlemen.
Friends:
"is my makeup okay?"
"Yes, it looks really nice :)"
Best friends:
"does my makeup look okay?"
"No. you look a mess. Sort it out."
Dear Internet,
Please stop with the talking adverts that start on their own. When I have my headphones on, it sounds like there are voices in my head.
Sincerely,
I just had a heart attack...
The awkward moment when you watch the same cartoons when your older and you notice all the perverted things in them... No wonder i'm like this....
"I'm on my way" LOL jk, I'm still doing my hair
The top 10 things messed up with the show Spongebob:
1.How is Pearl Mr.Crabs daughter??
2.Why doesn't Squidward wear pants??
3.How do they flush the toilet under water?
4.How can they see plankton??
5.How can Sandy communicate with fish??
6.How is there a Goo lagoon under water???
7.Why do they take showers???
8.How come Gary meows??
9.How did Sandy build her dome??
10.How can there be boats under water?
Like this if you ever asked yourself any of these questions :)
Like if you have done any of these...
- made Barbie and Ken have s*x.
- climbed a tree and been unable to get back down without help.
- made a promise you couldn't keep.
- laughed at a really inappropriate moment.
- bought an item of clothing that you've never worn.
- accidently called your teacher Mum/Dad.
- lied to someone so they don't get hurt.
- been in love.
ask me if i'm a snail.
no.
ask me if i'm a snail.
no.
ask me if i'm a snail.
NO.
ask me if i'm a snail.
NO!!!!
ask me if i'm a snail.
ARE YOU A F*CKING SNAIL?
meow.
...
Drunk people trying to convince you they're sober
During s*x with my girlfriend last night, I suddenly stopped and kept very still...
Girlfriend: "What are doing?"
Me: I saw this on YouP*rn, it's called buffering..."
6093.
Two blonde's drove across the country to see Disney World in Florida. When they reached the last sign for Disney World on the highway that said "DISNEY WORLD LEFT!"
The blonde driver then said "Oh well, We'll come back another time to see if it's back" and started to drive home.
I told my wife that my ultimate s*x fantasy was to have a three some...
She was mortified when i told her that it didn't involve her...
Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. - William Shakespeare
There's a new Facebook group called "All boys should take a compulsory GCSE in 'How to treat a female."
Lesson 1: the backhander...
Girl: I'm going to kill you.
Boy: Why?
Girl: You've invaded my privacy.
Boy: How so?
Girl: You're in my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, even my diary. You tiptoe into my mind all the time.
Boy: So, you kind of love me, huh?
They need to make bigger Capri Suns. I'm not 7 years old anymore. I am a teenager with some hard f●●king thirst.
All i'm saying, is 6.5 fl. oz. doesn't cut it anymore.
Hey It's Summer!
Time to build a rocket, fight a mummy, climb the Eiffel Tower, discover something that doesn't exist and give a monkey a shower!
I didn't fall... the floor just needed a hug!
Being proud of your race is okay unless your white. If your white it's classed as racism.
Staring at a text for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to reply while secretly thinking, damn it's a good thing we aren't talking face to face, I'd be screwed.
The awkwardness when you still cant understand someone after they've repeated themselves about 4 times..
I will never be your first kiss, I will never be your first love. I'm not your first valentine, first fight, first teddy bear, or first date. I'm not in this to be your first anything,.. I just want to be your last.
Imagine waking up.... as a baby, and your whole life was just a dream.