Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Fun idea: Don't have kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. When you get home later that evening, go mental and ask where the child has gone.
no, wait, hug me some more
No matter how old or young you are, whether you are male or female, when you see a bubble near you, you will try your hardest to try and catch it...
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Dear McDonald's Cashier,
Don't give me that look... Last time I checked, there was no age limit on Happy Meals.
Sincerely, Don't forget the toy.
"All I do is WIN WIN WIN no matter what..."
Grandma, you're just at the ATM, chill man.
Guess what i'm going to go and do?
******************************************
I'm going to take a hot shower.... it's like a normal shower only with me in it...
Just got pulled over by the police.
Officer: "How fast do you think you were going?"
Me: "Urm, about 60mph"
Officer: "Try 130mph..."
So I shut the door and spend off...
Whenever Ash from Pokemon turns his hat backwards, that's when you know sh*t is about to get serious...
When I came on my girlfriend, I put a little on jizz on my thumb and wiped it across her forehead and whispered "Simba..."
I'm the girl your ex will hate, your mother will love, and the girl you'll want to be with forever ♥
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight..I'd never be bored again!
Why is my bed suddenly so comfortable when the alarm goes off?
I hate when you're trying to type something then someone interupts you and you start typing what they was saying to you!
5 things girls need to know about guys
1. We want sandwiches
2. We like sandwiches
3. Sandwiches are the amazing to us.
4. If you make us a sandwich you are a goddess
5. We love you if you make an amazingly awesome sandwich
In the 1980s, the movie "Back To The Future 2" was filmed, and set in 2010. They had flying skateboards, flying cars, and shoes that tie themselves. Now, it's 2011, and last year we got Bendaroos, Pillow Pets, and Snuggies.
The awkward moment when they go to take my school photo and the lady is like to me you're muscles are to big for the photo get out of here
Mαths questions αre so stupid. They're like: "If I hαve 10 chocolαtes αnd I eαt 9, whαt do I hαve now?"Oh I don't know, Diαbetes mαybe?
I don't like you. So, I am going to buy you a kitten. Then I am going to wait till you fall in love with that kitten. Then I am going to sneak into your house one night and... punch you in the face.
My Momma once said to me: "Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if your morbidly obese..."
Kelso: I'm gonna grow a beard...
Fez: May I grow a beard too?
Kelso: I don't know Fez, the two of us growing a beard together... isn't that kinda girlie?...
1st: Chris Brown hits her
2nd: Eminem lies to her
and 3rd: Drake cant remember her name
What a life Rihanna has
AWWWWW F*CK RUN!! COPS COPS COPS COPS ARE COMING FUCKING RUN F*CK!!!!........... oh wait its just a taxi =]
Sneaking food into the cinemas.. $4 for a pack of skittles my A$$!
*1 friend request* (250 friends in common) "... i still dont know you lol"