Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Dear Spongebob,
You live in the bottom of a bikini, Your boss is Mr Krabs and you're absorbent.
So we have come to the conclusion that you must be a tampon.
Sincerely,
Squidward.
Staring at a text for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to reply while secretly thinking, damn it's a good thing we aren't talking face to face, I'd be screwed..
I like the Microsoft Paperclip because he's so chill. He's just like "Hey mann, I know I should be helping you out with that 10 page essay you're writing. But I'm just gonna sit here, stare at you. Maybe turn into a bicycle. Because I'm chill"
I don't get old.....MOTHER F*CKER I LEVEL UP!
I hate it when you click on somebody's name to chat and you see them log out
Dear Facebook staff, instead of dicking around with the picture viewer with photos, can you perhaps fix your lag issues and faulty posting system? Oh and perhaps get around to that dislike button we asked for? Ok thank..
Men have two emotions, hungry and h*rny. If he doesn't have an erecti*n, go make him a sandwich...
Our relationship is like a game of Jumanji, You don’t know what’s going to happen and you don’t know where your going to end up
Brunette: I had so much fun last night!
Blonde: Why what did you get up to?
Brunette: I slept with a Brazilian...
Blonde: You sl*t! You're worse then me, how many is a Brazillion?
Phoning a friend to let them know that you are outside their house instead of knocking.
If you stalk the files on my computer most of them will have names like 'hujkdsugyhj' because I'm too lazy to type a real name for the documents.
The awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then you end up walking the same way...
Mr Krabs: ...that makes you look like a girl...
Spongebob: Am I a pretty girl?
Mr Krabs: Well. Yes, you're... you're beautiful
*** Awkward moment when mail man walks past ****
That awkward moment when you go into your closet looking for Narnia and you find the door to Monsters Inc instead...
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual Harassment...
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute...
The akward moment when pink doesn't raise her glass.
The akward moment when lady gaga wasn't born this way.
The akward moment when bruno mars drops the grenade.
The akward moment when nelly don't realise it wasn't just a dream.
The akward moment when justin bieber says never.
The akward moment when chris brown doesn't say yeah 3 times.
The akward moment when chipmunk wasn't born a champion.
The akward moment when jessie j remembers the price tag.
I signed up to a gym the other day and I got a free session with a personal trainer.
Me: "I want a to be able to impress all the girls, tell what machines to go on..."
Personal Trainer: "Haha you don't need the gym for that, there's an ATM over there, just use that...
Dear Eminem,
Not only do we have the same name, but we're both black on the inside too.
Sincerely, M&Ms!
I remember when my best friend was the shy and quiet one... I created a monster:D
you know you are a normal teen if:
1)you have a facebook
2)you own a cellphone
4)you are wasting your time reading this
5)you didn't realize there was no #3
7)you checked to see if there wasn't a #3
8)O: where's 6?
9)you are smiling now uncontrollably
Like If You Did This ^
Listening to a song, and remembering all the memories that go with it
****Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm?****
So, if a tomato is a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Dracula once had a one night stand with tinker-bell.
**********************************************************
9 Months later, tinker-bell gave birth to a baby boy.
...and that's how Edward Cullen was born.
I might hug other guys, i might laugh with other guys, i might even hang out with other guys.. but none of them will ever mean to me as much as you do.
Akward moment when you are sitting there then your door opens and no one walks in and for those five seconds your thinking "i had a good/terrible life..." and then your cat walks in the door.......