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By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Remember me? I was your friend when you were single.
A man in a pub asks for a beer.
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."
"Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
How cool would it be if each country had facebook!!!??? lol.....
Japan wrote on chinas wall....
America poked Afganistan...
England has 0 friends.....
Drinking your own piss because you're a fearless bastard!
That Awkward moment when your sitting in a toilet cubical minding your own business and BAM! a unicorn bursts in and trys to sell you weed.
Boyfriend = tell me something that makes me happy and upset at the same time :)
Girlfriend = your d*ck is bigger than all your frineds...
Boyfriend = .....
I need to tell you a secret, look at 5
The answer is, look at 11
Don't get mad,look at 15
Calm down,don't get mad, look at 13
First look at 2
Don't be that angry, look at 12
I just wanted to say Hi
What I wanted to tell you is...THE ANSWER IS ON 14
Be patient look at 4
This is the last time I'm gonna do this,look at 7
I hope you're not mad when I say this,look at 6
Sorry look at 8
Don't get mad, look at 10
I don't know how to say this,but look at 3
You must be really mad,look at 9
Saying 'lol' more than once in a sentence
A boy makes his girls jealous of other women....
A gentleman makes other women jealous of his girl...
Treat Your Chick Right!
There's a new Facebook group called "All boys should take a compulsory GCSE in 'How to treat a female."
Lesson 1: the backhander...
Ain't it weird how when you go asleep for 8 hours it feels like 2 seconds.
: if only I had a dollar for every time I thought about you.
Girl: how much would you have??
Boy: ...... One dollar...
Boy: 'cause you never leave my mind
Eyeing your toys suspiciously after watching Toy Story.
**** Things that make you go hmmmm? ****
Who else ever wonders if a camel ever looks down at his toe and says "Gee, that looks like a V*gina..."
Girl at 5 years of age: Daddy, can i go to Maddy's party? (:
dad: sure, sweety.
Girl at 13 years of age: Dad, can i go to the park with some friends?
Dad: okay, but stay off the road, you hear me?
Girl at 16 years of age: dad, can i please go to the movies with my boyfriend.
Dad: I think i should come.
Girl: .... -.-
Dad : Son i think its time we had the talk.
Son : Dad i already know all about s*x
Dad : F*ck no i was gonna talk about prestiging on cod?
Son : ...........Go on
Boy: Make me a sandwich.
like if you cried...
Teacher: John, why are you so late ?
John: I was throwing stones into the river.
Teacher:Okaay, well take your seat.
Teacher:Bob, why are you also late ?
Bob: i was also throwing stones into the river.
Teacher: gr, well, sit down.
New Boy walks in ;
Teacher: oh so you're our new student. whats your name? and why are you all wet?
New boy: My name is Stones.
LIKE IF YOU GET IT.
//..Haven't had sex..\
i must be carrying the next baby Jesus.
Mom, my friends dont care if my room is messy. They just care if we have food.
Your story doesn't add up. So feel free to stop lying
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
Only on Facebook is it acceptable to talk to a wall.
Expect anything from anyone; the devil was once an angel...
Have you ever...
*Sat in a car thinking someone was going to break in?
*Lied to your teacher saying you forgot your homework at home, but never did it?
*Laughed so much your stomach started to hurt?
*Fall down in a store and the clerk just stares at you?
*Had that 5 minute silence during a phone call?
If you have had one of these happen, "like!"
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