Back to Facebook
By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!
Next Page »
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
When a sad song come's on in the car , and you look out the window, with the window open, pretending your in a movie.
My business isn't your business. So unless you are my thong, don't be up my A$$.
Taking a shower at someones house and getting completly undressed
then being like
"how the hell do you turn this thing on?"
"age is just a number." "yeah, so is 911 you paedophile."
Sneaking food into the cinemas.. $4 for a pack of skittles my A$$!
Here is how it goes down in a test:
* Finish the first page of the test as fast as you can *
** Then once the first page is done, turn over as loud as you can so everyone knows that you are ahead of them **
I'm not s*xist. S*xism is wrong and being wrong is for women.
Dont you just hate it lads when your taking a p*ss, look away for one second and...BAM! the toilet seat bangs the f*ck out of you p*nis
You see a Kid abusing a puppy with a baseball bat.
97% would yell “STOP!!!”
2% would Cheer
1% would take the baseball bat and beat the kid upside the head with it and take the puppy to the vet.
Boy: Do you work a Subway?
Girl: Yeah, I do..."
Boy: Good, go make me a sandwich...
when im bored i paint myself orange and dye my hair green and sit in the corner of my room and pretend im a carrot
Blade made me think vampires were cool.
Underworld made me think that werewolves were cool.
Twilight made me think they are both gay.
A guy broke into my appartment last week.. He didn't take the TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.. Sick bastard..
Some people wish that Morgan Freeman narrated their lives. I on the other hand would choose Optimus Prime...
When your in class and the teacher says "Ok, can I collect everyone's homework..."
So you look in your bag, even though you know that you didn't do it...
(_!_) regular arse
(__!__) fat arse
(!) tight arse
(_*_) sore arse
(_o_) well used arse
(_e=mc2_) smart arse
and the best one:
(_x_) kiss my arse
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Bin Laden being killed, a royal wedding, tsunami & earthquake followed by a nuclear meltdown in Japan, a general election, chaos in the Arab world and we're only 4 months in. You think 2011 is bad, just wait until 21/12/2012...
"Does this skirt make me look fat?" "No, your fat makes you look fat."
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
"Do this for me" "no" "if you love me you will :)" "Fiiiine!!"
Saying guns kill people is like blaming a pen for misspelling a word.
The man who invented it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it?
Can you find the the mistake?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
**** I Hate When This Happens #58 ****
When you burp and a little bit a sick comes up and there's too many people around to spit it out... so you just swallow it...
Next Page »
Terms of Service
Me Like This © 2010. All Rights Reserved - This site is not affiliated with Facebook.