Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Must.....stop....liking...things.......OH THATS SO TRUE!! *click*
I'll just sleep 5 more minutes...7:05...7:10...7:15....8:30?!?!?!? CRAP!
Did you know that during a test, people look up for inspiration, look down in desperation and look left and right for information...
Dear V*gina,
I am requesting a pay due to the following reasons;
1. I do a lot of physical labour.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything that I do.
4. I work weekdays & nights, weekends and holidays.
5. I work in damp, dark and enclosed spaces.
6. My work makes me very prone to diseases.
Regards,
P*nis.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear P*nis,
After long consideration, I am going to decline your request for a pay rise for the following reasons;
1. Your shifts only ever seem to be about 10 minutes long
2. You fall asleep after each shift.
3. You always have to be simulated, you never seem to be self motivated.
4. You are unable to work overtime or double shifts.
5. You work place is always messy at the end of your shift.
6. You have been constantly been seen entering and exiting the work place with to small, suspicious looking bags.
Regards,
V*gina
I love when I drop my ipod and my headphones save its life (:
I am sick of hearing how the term "hacker" means you're a criminal. I'd like to start a serious campaign to spread the message that hackers are people that are computer enthusiasts using computers in unorthodox and creative ways. Hackers are people that think outside the box.
What does the Mafia and going down on a girl have in common?
*************************************************************************
One slip of the tongue and your in deep sh*t...
You would think that with all this animal testing going on, they could at least invent a shampoo that doesn't burn your eyes...
Someday, everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason. :]
I think the most important thing in a relationship is trust. Because if you don't trust your girlfriend, how do know she's not going to tell your wife?
Did you know that opinions are like org*sms?
............Mine's more important and I don't give a f*ck if she has one!
The Rugrats, Hey Arnold!, Ed, Edd & Eddy, Dexters Labatory, Rocket Power, The Wild Thornberries
All great shows when cartoons were the ish!
Boy: Is your name Google?, Girl: NO!!... Why? , Boy: Because you got everything I am searching for :)
I love it when in the middle of our kiss I can feel you smiling.
I've just realised that all books, no matter how long they are, what genre they are or even what age group they are, they are all made up of different combinations of just 26 letters... Your Mind = Blown
5 Important Qualities to have in your women;
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it's probably a cow in disguise, don't let it fool you!
I refuse to bungee jump. I came into this world because of broken rubber and I don't want to leave by the same way...
England: The country where Pizza gets to your house quicker than the Police
Kids Before: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Kids now: Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.
You think waiting for a baby is long? Try restarting a blackberry!
*FACEBOOK CHAT*
Girl- Who do you like?
Boy- I'm talking to her :)
Girl- Awww :)
Boy- Oh not you, it's another girl Im talking to.
Gir- ...
My life will not be fulfilled until I walk away from and explosion in slow motion...
Sometimes when you are hurt, no one cares.
Sometimes when you are sad, no one see's.
Sometimes when you cry, no one looks.
But when your fart one time, Everyone notices!
Someone told me i am immature and need to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my treehouse now