Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
The awkward moment when you're in a lift with an obese person and they catch you looking at the weight limit sign...
That one person with a comeback for EVERYTHING
"Let's eat Grandma" or "Let's eat, Grandma" - Punctuation saves lives.
Like this if you've ever...
Sat in your car staring out the window, wishing that the next car that comes up has a hot guy staring back at you
Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever... Sometimes they are only there long enough to teach you the lesson that you needed to learn.
girl: I love J.B.
*******I Hate When This Happens #69********
When you and your partner have just finished with forepl*y and are about to have s*x, then you are interupted by something... Like a phone call, or the sudden urge to go to the toilet....
**** You never guess what I saw today!!! ****
I was walking down the road to the shop and I saw a woman who was wearing more make-up than clothes... It's disgraceful how women expose every part of their body in today's society...
I bought a race horse today and called him "My Face". I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear some posh tw*ts shouting "Come on My Face!"
When i think about you, i smile for no reason. you just make me happy :) ♥
If cheryl cole gets cheated on, then we've got no hope.
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
When you put your leg out of your blanket because your hot, and then getting scared because you feel exposed to monsters!!
My girlfriend said she's leaving me because she said she is fed up of me acting black....
Bitch Be Trippin'
THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN
you're eating chips and it feels like everyone can here your crunching
Scientifically it has been proven that too many birthdays can kill you...
Dear Little line of dirt that wont go in the dust pan...
************F*CK YOU!************
I failed my politics exam the other day because of one question...
The question was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world?"
Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer...
**** Things that make you go hmmmm? ****
Who else ever wonders if a camel ever looks down at his toe and says "Gee, that looks like a V*gina..."
Admit it, at once in your life, we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position
I hate when you spell a common word correctly, but it looks wrong so you just site there staring at it questioning it's existence....
Dear girls,
you complain about us playing COD. You make silly pages about the 'perfect' boy. You act as if we're complete anal holes. When, we're not. We want to be loved, just like you do. We want the perfect girl, just as much as you. And if you're that upset about us not making an effort with you because we'd rather play COD, YOU make the effort for once and come play COD with us. Don't act as if we're the bad ones all the time, there takes two to make a relationship.
Sincerely, boys.
Seeing someone pull of a ninja move to stop themselves slipping on ice.
Its funny how when you have a pack of gum, BAM! Everyone suddenly becomes your "Best friend" and they expect you to give them a piece and the only reason you give them a piece is so they leave you alone.
Dear Public Toilets,
Toilet paper holders should turn loosely. Nobody wants to wipe their a$$ with a bunch of confetti.
Sincerely,
I hate getting it on my hands.