Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
God made coke.
God made pepsi.
God made me.
Oh so sexy.
God made rivers.
God made lakes.
God made you.
Well.. we all make mistakes.
L.M.A.O.S.H.T.I.F.O.T.F.A.D.B.L.T.W.A.D.A.S.H.B.M.B.T.L.J.B.T.S. = Laughing my ass off so hard that I fell on the floor and died but luckily there was a doctor around and so he brought me back to life just before televison started :)
The egg said to the boiling water sorry its going to take me a while to get hard I just got laid by a chicken ..lol
you know you are a normal teen if:
1)you have a facebook
2)you own a cellphone
4)you are wasting your time reading this
5)you didn't realize there was no #3
7)you checked to see if there wasn't a #3
8)O: where's 6?
9)you are smiling now uncontrollably
Like If You Did This ^
I want to make an account where the name is "No One". So then I can go and like the stupid status's people write these days and it will say "No One likes this".
Girls: it's funny how guys try to convince us that they are different, because honestly, the only different i see... >> are their names
Hitting stuff to make it work
Eyeing your toys suspiciously after watching Toy Story.
What? Max Factor makes eyelashes 3x Longer?
Max Factor should make cond*ms!
*GIRLS*
Hair: 30min-2hrs.
Makeup: 5-20mins.
Outfit: 10min-3hrs.
*BOYS*
Hair: 0-5mins.
Makeup: I hope not.
Outfit: 1-10mins.
monday- KILL ME NOW!
tuesday- hurry up friday!
wednesday- only two more days
thursday-Almost There!!
friday-YAY! stayin up tonight!
saturday- sleep all day
sunday- make the most out of the day because tomorrow is monday -_-
When I die, friends and family will go to my funeral. Good friends will cry at my funeral and reminisce about all the good times we had together. But my best friend will change my FB status to "Chilling With Jesus"
life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind
See this cup? It's got alcohol in it. Therefore anything I do or say beyond this point should not be taken seriously and I apologise in advanced for anything that may cause harm or offence.
man- will you be quiet woman, im trying to watch the game!
woman- i dont care, i dont wanna watch this anymore.
man- damnit woman! go to your room!
woman- *walks into kitchen*
Reading texts half asleep is like looking into the sun...
BEST PRANK EVER. . I took my friend's phone and changed my contact name to mom.
Then texted her: I read you diary. You are grounded and I'm coming to pick you up right now. She started flipping out and got really scared
**** I hate when this happens *****
When your snuggled up in bed, you grab the covers to pull them up and BAM!
Your hands slip and you end up punching yourself in the face...
How do you expect me to stay with one girl for the rest of my life if I can't even jack off to the same p*rn twice?
My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they're like 'Wanna trade cards?' Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll trade this, but not my charizard...
At a sleepover :
Friends : "Can I have a glass of water please?"
"Yea sure, Come with me to the kitchen"
Best friends : "Oi can i have sum water"
"Move ur ass and get it yourself, u practically live here."
**** Who Else Does This #54 ****
Whenever my parents ask who i'm texting or who i'm talking to, I automatically think of a friend who is the same gender as me that they already approve of.
Keep smiling!
Holy sh*t! F*ck i'm so sorry miss, I didn't realise my shirt was untucked, is everyone alright? no ones hurt, right?
Friends vs Best Friends:
You: Damn! I've forgot my lunch money...
Friend: Aww never mind, i'll buy you lunch...
Best Friend: Haha it's ok, you were getting fat anyway...