Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Kids Before: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Kids now: Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.
We can't even predict the weather and now some dumb sh*t is trying to predict the apocalypse...
I Hate When This Happens:
I lost my phone. Oh wait let me call it!
CRAP, it's on vibrate!
EVERYONE SHUTUP!!
If a girl leans towards you, kiss her.
If a girls hand is free, hold it.
If your girl logs off, tell her you love her.
And if shes upset, hug her till she's okay.
"Haha You Failed", "Yeah Like Your Mums Abortion."
What I don't understand is why there is a show called "When animals attack". Personally I think it should be renamed to "When stupid people go near dangerous animals"
Drunk people trying to convince you they are sober.
Like if you have ever done one of these things...
1. Gone up a down escalator
2. Tried to make a fish follow your finger
3. Gone in the fridge for no reason
4. Stared at someone to see if they would realise
5. Pretended to drive when in the passengers seat
6. Played air guitar madly
7. (Boys only) Become addicted to COD
8. Watched water droplets fall down a window to see who would win
9. Picked everything off a pizza
10. Laughed at random memories
My Mom left me a note that read "Im going away on the weekend with your father. I've left $50 somewhere in your room for food. If you clean your room you should be able to find it."
Now I've got to decide whether to clean my room or starve over the weekend... I wish she would stop leaving me with decisions to make...
I hate it when i'm making milkshake and all the boys are in my yard :/
Monthly wage Soldier £1150 / Footballer £298766 make them swap
Almost sneezing, making that face, not sneezing, and looking like an idiot
How do you know when you're in love?
********************************************
1. You cant stop thinking about them
2. You seriously cant stop thinking about them
3. Re-reading their text messages and them making you smile...
As I worked my lips down my wife's arm, kissing every bit of it I said, "Darling, if I had the rest of time with you, I'd spend it kissing every square inch of your body." She smiled and said, "Ah, because you love me so much...?" "No, because that's how long it would take."
I love your accent, it's awesome! Say more words!!!
That annoying moment when you Finally get through a big amount of dishes and then you realise there's still some left on the cooker...
I want to lick you, s*ck you, move my tounge all around you.....
but this damn wrapper wont come off the lollipop ;P
Oink. I'm a cat
The world isn't going to end in 2012..... but if it does, I'd like to see you prove me wrong, when we're dead.
I'm wearing my BEST butt jeans, my cutest shirt, my hair looks amazing, and no matter where i go looking like this, NO hot guys are there.
I'm at Wal*Mart, hair tied up in a bun, no makeup, sweat pants,old t-shirt with paint and holes in it, and slippers. and every time I turn around, HOT GUYS EVERYWHERE.
freakkin lovely.
I will never be your first kiss, I will never be your first love. I'm not your first valentine, first fight, first teddy bear, or first date. I'm not in this to be your first anything,.. I just want to be your last.
There’s always some truth behind every "Just kidding".
There's always some knowledge behind every "I don’t know".
There's always some emotion behind every "I don’t care".
There's always some pain behind every "I'm okay’.”
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."
The right way to kiss a girl ;)
Push her up against the wall
Hold her hands up with yours
Go in for the kill ;)
We Have all:
1. Faked that we were asleep when our parents walked in the room.
2. Made A cookie out of playdoh
3. tried to get our friends to spell ICUP.
4. Pretended that our hands were people talking.
...LIKE IF YOU HAVE EVER DONE ANY OF THIS(: