Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
I play with my phone when I'm waiting for someone so I don't look stupid
Why is it, if a songs plays on my iPod and I don't like it, I skip it. But when you are listening to the radio, If that same song comes on then it's automatically good?
You get home from school. In the front living room, there is a box with the word "Fragile" on it. This could only mean one thing... There is bubble wrap inside!!!
Today i was walking down the street and saw a homeless man. He asked for some change and i gave him $1...then i saw him pull out his iPhone. I knocked his ass out, took back my dollar, and took his iPhone. Now i got an iPhone and a dollar.
Partying Bevrages Evolution
Age 10: Orange Juice and Milkshake
Age 14: Fizzy Drinks
Age 17: Alcoholic Drinks
Age 25: Even Stronger Booze
Age 40: EVEN Worse
Age 60: Tea + Coffee
Age 90: Water
It's not that I hate you... it's just, put it this way. if you were on fire and I had water, i'd drink it.
No matter how old or young you are, whether you are male or female, when you see a bubble near you, you will try your hardest to try and catch it...
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Every Day I'm shufflin'.......
Bubblewrap
Read each sentence:This is this cat. This is is cat.This is how cat. This is to cat. This is keep cat. This is a cat. This is retard cat. This is busy cat. This is for cat. This is 40 cat. This is seconds cat. Now read every third word in each sentence :)
We may not be friends anymore, but i wont forget the memories.
When I hear tapping outside my window. I don't think it's my prince to come kiss me. I think its a serial killer about to kill me.
Listen!
It's my house so I'm player 1....
There is a reason why your heart is located on the left. It's because it's not always right.
ask me if i'm a tree.
no.
ask me if i'm a tree.
NO.
ask me if i'm a tree.
ARE YOU A FUCKING TREE?
wtf? why would i be a tree?
That "Dammit" moment when you forget to take your phone to the toilet so you just sit there like "Now what do I do...?"
Every girl has 3 personalities.
1) When she's with her family.
2) When she's with her friends.
3) When she's with HIM.
Grandpa Joe From Charlie & The Chocolate Factory = Scrounging B*stard.
20 Years he was in that bed, and as soon as a golden ticket comes along... "Oh actually I can walk, and I can dance around and hop and stuff..."
Success is like being pregnant....
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Everyone congratulates you, but nobody know how many times you were f*cked before you got there.
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Every Day I'm shufflin'.......
^ Except Friday, gotta get down on friday...
Remember when you were little and every time you drank soda out of a glass bottle, you always pretended it was beer.
Student: Sir, can i got to the bathroom?
Teacher: No it can wait
Student: No. i NEED to go to the bathroom...
Teacher: No! now sit down.
Student: DO YOU WANT ME TO BLEED ON YOUR SEAT?!
When life lets you down remember there always 1 persons fingers that will always fit perfectly between yours, your own :)
Does anyone else wake up during the middle of the night thirsty as hell, so you go down stairs for a glass of water and it tastes so good that it's like it has come from God's personal garden river?
Making weird noises when you stretch.