I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
The top 10 things messed up with the show Spongebob:
1.How is Pearl Mr.Crabs daughter??
2.Why doesn't Squidward wear pants??
3.How do they flush the toilet under water?
4.How can they see plankton??
5.How can Sandy communicate with fish??
6.How is there a Goo lagoon under water???
7.Why do they take showers???
8.How come Gary meows??
9.How did Sandy build her dome??
10.How can there be boats under water?
Like this if you ever asked yourself any of these questions :)
wjfsklfjsmljdmgkfngdfsghfdjkghzena, EEEEEH MACARENA! :D
Why is it that when my mom looks for something, it magically appears...
OMG this song is so amazing!"....5 minutes later.... "OMG have you heard this song it's awesome!" .... "ugh"
the difference between friends and best friends..
firends: brb need the loo :L:$
bestfriends: 1 sec, need a sh*t.
Blade made me think vampires were cool.
Underworld made me think that werewolves were cool.
Twilight made me think they are both gay.
Blueberry And Apple Blast My Bedazzled Buds With Blindingly Brilliant Bursts Of Bewitching Bliss !!!
I hate it when you're sitting in the cinema ready to watch the movie and the next thing you know BOOM. human giraffe sits in front of you.
Dear Justin Bieber,
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
..........................'...../
..........''............. _.·´
..........................(
..............................
Much love, Everyone. x
Patrick-"How much?"
Mr. Krabs- "$5.00"
Patrick- "All I have is $7.00"
Mr. Krabs- "MMMMMMMMMMMMMM, ok!"
Patrick- "Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper!"
without my phone I wouldn't:
1. know what time it is
2. be able to solve a math equation
3. know a single phone number
4. know the date
5. be able to text my friend when i'm at their house
6. take a snap shot at a picture perfect time
7. be able to wake up from an alarm in the morning
8. find my way in the dark
basically, i wouldn't be able to live.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked, with beer....
Just shut up, you don't know the situation.
Sometimes I get carried away when I make people cups of tea. When It comes to serving them it's usually gone cold. What? I can't help it if I get fascinated by the mini whirlpool that I create when i'm stirring it...
"NO IPODS IN SCHOOL!" ... "Yeah cause Eminem is gonna rap me the answers"
Tension: When your wife is pregnant.
Terror: When your mistress is pregnant.
Horror: When they are both pregnant.
Tragedy: You're not the father of either...
Have you ever wondered why A,B,C,D,DD,E,F,G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost B00bs.?
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
*I walk into the classroom with a jacket on*
teacher: take that jacket off NOW!! they are against school rules
me: OMG, I am so sorry! Is anyone hurt? no? ok....I'll just slowly remove this extremely hazardous jacket....off of my torso....and slowly freeze to death.....
me:but miss, why are you wearing a jacket?
teacher: because it's cold an-
me:EVERYONE GET DOWN! SHE'S GOT A JACKET!
*class gets down and screams in fear*
(like this if your school also has retarded rules made by hitler)
No matter how bad my life gets, I will never end up on Jeremy Kyle
**** Definition of Dubstep ****
Music that sounds like two transformers having wild s*x...
My favourite dirty joke: A man fell in the mud
If more females would sit down and be ladies, more males would stand up and be gentlemen.
Little old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs can't fool me!
Retired Mermaids.
Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! - Bob Marley
The awkward moment when you realise you are walking in the wrong direction, so you hit your pockets pretending like you forgot something and then turn and go back the other way.
I do what I want, where I want, when I want, with who I want, for as long as I want, where ever I want.......
But as long as my mommy says it's OK first...