I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
The top 10 things messed up with the show Spongebob:
1.How is Pearl Mr.Crabs daughter??
2.Why doesn't Squidward wear pants??
3.How do they flush the toilet under water?
4.How can they see plankton??
5.How can Sandy communicate with fish??
6.How is there a Goo lagoon under water???
7.Why do they take showers???
8.How come Gary meows??
9.How did Sandy build her dome??
10.How can there be boats under water?
Like this if you ever asked yourself any of these questions :)
You know that when Tommy from the Rugrats takes his screwdriver out, sh*t is about to go down...
5 Important Qualities to have in your women;
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
I don't care how old I am, just get me a damn advent calendar!!!
Single doesn't mean that you're a b*tch, a sh*t lover or that you know nothing about love. It just means that you haven't met that right person who doesn't deserve your love.
If I actually did "live like there's no tomorrow". I'd be in jail.
Dear Youtube, I have discovered that there is a glitch on Rebecca Black's music video, Friday. There is a "like" button. Please fix this ASAP.
TEACHERS CALL IT CHEATING. WE CALL IT TEAMWORK. :))
Who else does this?
When you're crunchy food and you wonder whether other people can hear you.... so you try to chew as slowly and as quietly as you can...
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and vulnerable, if you want to toughen up- grow a v*gina, those things can take a pounding
At the beginning of eternity and at the end of time, in this rhyme the answer you will find...
"Sexy" means I want you. "Pretty" means I like you. "Beautiful" means I love you. "Gorgeous" means all of the above and that is because you are the best thing that ever happened to me :)
I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?"
^
The only reason this doesn't happen is because the bad guys are rarely women.
I've been suspended from school for another three days. When my biology teacher asked me what my favourite element was, karate chopping her and saying "Element of Suprise" was wrong.
New Durex condom slogan's:
1. cover your stump before you hump.
2. dont be a loner, cover your boner
3. if you think she's spunky cover your monkey
4. dont be a fool, Cover your tool
5. Wrap your bait before you mate
6. plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
7. package your meat for a real nice treat
8. rap that wanger before you bang her
9.if your nude then tube your dude.
10. Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle
HOT SURFACE, DO NOT TOUCH! "Hmmmm, I wonder how hot is hot"………..AHHH!!
I'M SUCH A BAD ASS..... i installed a program. it asked if I had read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
i hadn't, but i clicked 'yes' anyway.
whoever created this page:A girl finds out she has ovarian cancer, and can't find a donor. She tells her boyfriend but he doesn't even look up from the TV. The girl finally gets a donor and after the surgery asks her mum "Who donated the ovaries?" That girl visits her boyfriends grave everyday. aw :')
Girl if that skirt gets any shorter you'll get done for dealing crack!
Walking out of the school toilets looking like a retard because your constantly checking your shoes for toilet roll on the bottom of them.
Dear Mom & Dad,
Yes I check my Facebook every morning like it's the morning paper...
Sincerely,
Sorry for having a social life.
Teacher: John, why are you so late ?
John: I was throwing stones into the river.
Teacher:Okaay, well take your seat.
Teacher:Bob, why are you also late ?
Bob: i was also throwing stones into the river.
Teacher: gr, well, sit down.
New Boy walks in ;
Teacher: oh so you're our new student. whats your name? and why are you all wet?
New boy: My name is Stones.
Teacher: oh..
LIKE IF YOU GET IT.
If Google can't find it, you're screwed.
When i was a kid, i always used to search my parents rooms to find out what i would be getting for christmas. Although, i never did receive a pleasure max 3000...