Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain...
I hate it when i'm making milkshake and all the boys are in my yard :/
Dear Justin Bieber,
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
..........................'...../
..........''............. _.·´
..........................(
..............................
Much love, Everyone. x
Phoning a friend to let them know that you are outside their house instead of knocking.
No one is afraid of heights, they are afraid of the fall.
No one is afraid to fight, they are afraid of losing.
No one is afraid of the dark, they are afraid of what's in it.
No one is afraid of falling in love, they are afraid of not being loved...
This blonde went to the pizza place and ordered a pizza. The pizza guy asked her if she wanted it cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Oh, six,” she said. “I could never eat twelve pieces.”
**** Colouring in School ****
Elementary: Yay! Pretty Colours
Middle School: This is so gay
High School: Who the f*ck took the red!?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
If I sleep to much, my parents complain. If I don’t get enough sleep, my parents complain. If I eat too much, my parents complain. If I don’t eat enough, my parents complain. If I’m always in my room, my parents complain. If I go out too much, my parents complain. I CAN’T WIN!!
I hate it when my phone screen blinds me in the middle of the night
One day, a father created a fb account and added his son. His son accepted the friend request, and his father went to see his profile. The father was so appalled at what he saw, he confronted his wife angrily. Guess what did he see?
He saw that his son listed 20+ people as his brothers and sisters!
OMG this song is so amazing!"....5 minutes later.... "OMG have you heard this song it's awesome!" .... "ugh"
There are X kinds of people on Facebook...
The ones who like everything
The ones who update their status 300 times a day
The ones who are never online
The ones who only use it for Facebook games (FrontierVille, etc)
The ones who have hundreds of friends they don't really know
Like if you have Facebook friends who belong to these groups...
That moment when you have just got into bed after a long hard day and then you realise that you have forgot something, so you lie there for a while contemplating whether it's worth getting back up for...
A cucumber, an olive and a p*nis are talking.
The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The p*nis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
When those "Cruelty to Animals" adverts come on the TV, I force my dogs to sit and watch just so they know how lucky they are. Spoilt Brats...
girl: dad i'm pregnant
dad: who to?
girl: well its either: simon, muneer, indy, andrew, ben, john, kane, leon, liam, oliver, tom, george, adam, william, lachie, rick, eli, richard, steve, harry, james, justin, nick or patrick.
dad: well it couldn't possibly have been justin...
So, My boyfriend asked me if I loved Him,..No you dumbass, I only think about you all day, text you whenever I can & Stare at you constently when i'm with you,
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
**Types in password** 'Password incorrect' 'Huh?' **types it in again** 'Password incorrect' 'But that IS my password' **types it in again** 'Password incorrect** 'b**ch that IS my password! Im gonna throw this thing out the fu.... oh wait, caps lock.'
It looked warm, juicy, and inviting, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to do to it. So I carefully pulled it open with my fingers to get a better look, even though I knew it would be amazing if I just ate it. But first I decided to put ketchup on my burger.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I am right.
Life always offers second chances. It's called tomorrow.
The past cannot be changed, erased, edited or forgotten. It can only be accepted...
I hate it when i sleep at someones house and wake up AGES before them.
Dear Agony Aunt,
Im 16 and I haven't got my period yet. My sister is ten and she already has hers... Is there something wrong with me?
Sincerely,
Justin Bieber.