Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
*********BOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!************
Ypu just got good luck for 24hrs by reading this 'Like'. Keep it going and click the 'Like' button to spread good luck to all your friends.
**Friends**
"Wanna come over?"
"Sure, but let me shower, put makeup on & do my hair first."
**Best friends**
"I'm coming over."
"Okay, but I look like crap."
"I don't care, so do I."
*********I Hate When This Happens*********
When you walk into a room and....
BAM! You forget why you went in there...
I wish I was with you.
Alone...
In my room...
On my bed...
With the lights out...
Under the covers...
So I could show you my...
Amazing...
NEW GLOW IN THE DARK WATCH!!
EVERYDAY, I fight back the urge to text you or talk to you, telling myself that if you wanted to talk to me, YOU WOULD.
We may not be friends anymore, but i wont forget the memories.
I like to lean back on the two back legs of my chair to see how long I can balance for, it's game over though when you have that mini heart attack from hell and you have to frantically grab on to something...
I'll just sleep 5 more minutes...7:05...7:10...7:15....8:30?!?!?!? CRAP!
My girlfriend just text me saying "I want you to get me wet when I get home..." So i'm ready and waiting with 15 water balloons...... I can't wait.....
My ex wife got in touch with me this morning. She said, "Do you fancy meeting up tomorrow and giving it another crack?" I said, "Yeah..... I'd love to". I presume she was talking about her jaw.
You may have died, but I love and remember you - R.I.P
A wife walks into her bedroom naked. Her husband asks "What on Earth are you wearing?"
She replies: "My birthday suit..."
He replies: "Well go and iron it!"
Durex Have created new glow in the dark condoms.....
There new slogan for them it going to be "Now you see it, Now you don't, Now you see it, Now you don't,"
*new message* oh it's you. f*ck off.
When someone likes your status that you shared about a week ago and you think to yourself..
“That b*tch must be stalking me…”
Imagine if all retailers started making their own condoms & kept their own name...
Tesco Condoms "Every Little Helps"
Nike Condoms "Just do it"
Peugeot Condoms "The Ride of your Life"
KFC Condoms "Finger Lickin' Good"
Pringles Condoms "You Pop You Can't Stop"
Burger King Condoms "Home of the Whopper"
Andrex Condoms "Soft Strong & Very Long"
Mcdonald's Condoms "Im Lovin' it"
Polo Condoms "The One With The Hole.." OH F*CK!
HAHHAHAHAA, wait! I don´t get it..
Women are weird creatures...They can bleed for a week and not die, cry for no reason and can bury a bone without getting their nose dirty. Go figure..
Don't you just hate it when your having a conversation with someone and then your spit decides to leap out of your mouth and land on the other person.
Even weirder is the fact both of you know what has just happened and you just ignore it...
When your on your friends computer and you notice that their browsing history is empty... It's because of one of two reasons:
1. They have never been on the internet.
2. They were looking at p*rn before you got there and they don't want you to know.
When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who couldn't even get off jury duty...
At every school there's the one teacher everyone thinks is a pedo..
I get paranoid when cars slow down near me, when I'm walking.
hot, fit, sexy? nothing compares to beautiful.
TEACHERS CALL IT CHEATING. WE CALL IT TEAMWORK. :))