It was my favourite game when I was younger, but i could never understand one thing about it...
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
If he can't handle you in sweat pants, then he doesn't deserve you with a wedding dress on - Drake
The awkward moment when you ask your best friend whether they are attending the party of the year that all the popular people are going to and they reply with "What Party?"
I stay up late every night, and realise it's a bad idea every morning.
1 in 20 of us live next door to a pedophile
but im lucky i only live next door to a lovely old man
who has a very impressive pair of binoculars
If people are always trying to bring you down, it just means they are jealous because you are above them.
Police: Why were you speeding?
Man: I had a cramp in my leg, sorry officer.
Police: -.-... I am going to give you a fine for speeding.
Man: OOOMMMMGGG!! here comes that cramp again! cyaa (:
Blonde: Look! You can get a laptop here for four dollars!
Brunette: What?
Blonde: Yeah! And it's even big!
Brunette: We're at McDonald's. They don't sell computers.
Blonde: Yes they do! Check the menu! Big Mac - $4.
Brunette: ........
Dear dad: I'm glad you think I know computers enough to wake me every day asking what you've done wrong. I really don't know how you can manage to make Microsoft Word look drastically different every time I open it. I don't comprehend why you keep installing Outlook, when I keep telling you you have Yahoo. And I don't know how you keep buying things on eBay and Amazon when you don't even know how to use Tabs in IE.
My Mum says you are what you eat....
That's funny, I haven't eaten any s*xy beasts lately...
I'm too sexy for you anyway :)
I don't get old.....MOTHER F*CKER I LEVEL UP!
Never text and walk. Trust me, the lampost is closer than you think.
boyfriEND, girlfriEND, friEND, everything has an end, except for family.
Eyeing your toys suspiciously after watching Toy Story.
*****Ninja Rule # 32*****
When you want to secretly listen to a conversation, put some headphones in and pretend you are listening to music...
When you put your leg out of your blanket because your hot, and then getting scared because you feel exposed to monsters!!
I can't stand people who don't know the difference between your and you're.
There so stupid...
You know you're addicted to facebook when...
-You go on like 12 times a day
-You get excited when you have one notification
-You smile when someone likes your status
Doing something embarrassing then looking about to see if anyone seen.. :P
you my friend.. are a silly sausage.
putting freezing cold hands on someone warm... :P
That awkward moment when you are on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other b*tches on there wont stop jumping so you can't get back up...
I don't know what to talk about, but i wanna talk to you.
****How Do You Know If She Is The Perfect Girl? ****
T = Truthful
I = Intelligent
G = Gentle
H = Humble
T = Tolerant
P = Polite
U = Understanding
S = Sexy
S = Smart
Y = Youthful
****Proof that women are bitchier than men****
Women always moan and complain when men leave the toilet seat up, but men never, ever say anything when women leave the seat down...