**** Nerd's Phone Rings In Class ****
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
I don't want to sound like a bad a$$ or anything but... I go swimming straight after I eat, f*ck waiting an hour.
Those times where you find the motherload of all money in your dream and wake up in your dream and it's right in front of you then you actually wake up and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its funny how when you have a pack of gum, BAM! Everyone suddenly becomes your "Best friend" and they expect you to give them a piece and the only reason you give them a piece is so they leave you alone.
I love it when someone logs on to facebook on your laptop and you pretend to say you logged out and then you read everything like who they're talking to and you find out stuff you didn't even know about them.
3 am phone call.."hey are you asleep??" ... "No I'm Skydiving"
We can't even predict the weather and now some dumb sh*t is trying to predict the apocalypse...
Who's that sexy beast.............Oh, I clicked on my own profile again!!
I like you... where do I click?
Mom: Pass me....... ( 10 seconds later )
Me:Pass you what?
Mom: Pass me.... The Uhm....
Me: The....
Mom: You know, that thing...
Me: OMG ! ( leaves the room )
*Like this if your mom does this to you.
Here is how it goes down in a test:
* Finish the first page of the test as fast as you can *
** Then once the first page is done, turn over as loud as you can so everyone knows that you are ahead of them **
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have s*x when the girl stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for s*x." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
A guy in a romantic mood says to his girlfriend: I want to be a part of your body.
She replies: no thanks, I already have an asshole
Boy: Is your name Google?, Girl: NO!!... Why? , Boy: Because you got everything I am searching for :)
When you have a cold drink with ice in it and you put some ice in your mouth and start crunching away, then people are like "What you eating?" and you reply "Ice kooob"
Dear Noah, We could of sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely Unicorns.
If a guy compliments your shirt,
He's really saying he likes the way your boobs look in that shirt
If a guy compliments your pants,
he likes your ass
If he compliments (your shoes)
well hun, he's gay.
16-year-old sees a 8-year-old with an iPhone, make-up, skinny jeans and laptop.
16-year-old: O__O When I was your age I had Pokemon cards and chalks.
8-year-old:*talking on the phone*I love you! Talk to you later ♥ !* Yes, what you want?
16-year-old: Aww, was that your mom?
8-year-old: No, ew grow up. It was my boyfriend!
16-year-old: O__O;;;;; WTF!!!
Take This Quiz:
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1) F_ _ K
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2)PU_ S_
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3)S_X
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4) P_N_S
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5) BOO_S
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6) _ _NDOM
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Answers: 1)Fork, 2)Pulse, 3)Six, 4)Pants, 5)Books, 6)Random
~Hey hey..., what were you thinking...?! ;D~
If you love two people at the same time, choose the second person because if you truly loved the first person, you wouldn't of fell in love with the second person...
When you put your leg out of your blanket because your hot, and then getting scared because you feel exposed to monsters!!
"Dude, she called you a chav..." "OH HELL NO - hold my ciggarette, hoop earings, pink trackie bottoms and my tesco value trainers"
The feeling of depression when your teacher says "OK class, we're going to be doing a group presentation, so find yourselves a partner"
So you look straight over at your only friend in the class and they already have a partner...
life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind!
I've Always Wanted to Spin Round in a Chair & Say: I’ve Been Expecting You