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When you're in class and you purposely break the tip of your pencil just so you can walk past your friend, to get to the bin and for those few moments while you're not doing any work, you feel more superior...
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Two hookers standing on a street corner started discussing business. One of the hookers said, ''Gonna be a good night, I smell c*ck in the air.'' The other hooker looked at her and said, ''Sorry No, I just burped.''
I don't care if you're short, tall, fat, skinny, rich, poor, straight, gay, lesbian, black or white...
If you're nice to me, then i'll be nice to you.
Simple. As. That.
I'm a good enough person to forgive you...
but i'm not stupid enough to trust you...
don't be mad because I don't trust you...
YOU gave me a reason not to...
"Low Battery, Please Connect Charger"
B*tch you're a smart phone, connect yourself!
I really want to be chased by a cop car while im on a bicycle so I can shout BUMBLEEEEE!
I take you to be my lawful wedded text buddy. To have and harass. In rich quotes and nasty jokes, 'til dead battery do us part...
A pretty girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly, the rising sun can kiss the grass, but you my friend, yes you, you can kiss my ass.
The real danger of chewing gum in school isn't being caught by your teacher. It's being caught by all the people in your class who suddenly become your friends.
Remember putting glue on your hands and getting excited about peeling it off and pretending it was your skin...
No one? Anybody?
Boys that smell good are always hug worthy. :)
If women ruled the world. There'd be no wars, no mass killing of the innocent. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to one another.
Why is it, if a songs plays on my iPod and I don't like it, I skip it. But when you are listening to the radio, If that same song comes on then it's automatically good?
I decided to add some variety to my s*x life......
So I started using my other hand...
I stay up late every night, and realize it's a bad idea every morning.
I love your food but damn your prices are damn expensive.
The awkward moment when you walk outside in your pjs to get the mail, and your crush walks past and gives you a wierd look :/
The difference between School & Life? In School, you're taught a lesson & then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson
Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever... Sometimes they are only there long enough to teach you the lesson that you needed to learn.
I hate when I hear a song I really like, but I don't know the name of it -_______-
Hi, can I help you?" "No, I just waited in line for 15 minutes to say Hi."
DA SADST STRY EVUR!!!
girl: do u luv mi??? iv u dnt i gun dy
Boy: I can't understand you, what are you trying to say?.
girl: omg y yuu nar luv mi?!?! mi bcum ded
Boy: I don't even...
girl: :(( (dyez)
Boy: ...The f*ck?
I noticed people adding the 2 dates together, the twin towers attack, and the earthquake in Japan. 9/11/2001 + 3/10/2011 = 12/21/2012? No it doesn't, it equals 12/21/4012. People need to stop with their stupid math. 2001 + 2011 never equaled 2012. You can't add 9 and 3, get 12, add 10 and 11, get 21, and then add 2001 and 2011, and get 2012. The correct answer is 4012.
What a major idiot for trying to make people believe 2011 + 2001 = 2012.
I used to get on really really well with my neighbour. We used to go out for drinks, watch the game together, and even play the odd round of golf.
We did this until he put a password on his WiFi, I will never forgive him for that...
That awkward moment when you are in the bathroom and your sibling thinks it's a good time to come in without knocking...
I am NOT waking up until my alarm goes off, even if there is 1 min left!
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