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Today I’m giving you something very special, my heart ..... please be careful how you handle it , not because it’s mine , but because Your inside it
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
You look like i need a drink!
Relationships are like yard sales.........
....... They look good from far, but once your in one it's just full of sh*t that you don't need.....
Girls don't dress up to impress guys. Girls dress up to out dress other girls. If they wanted to impress guys, they would just walk around naked....
I don't like you. So, I am going to buy you a kitten. Then I am going to wait till you fall in love with that kitten. Then I am going to sneak into your house one night and... punch you in the face.
No, you're right. i mistook our endless conversations, your sweet texts, the compliments, and our amazing moments for you liking me. my bad.
If more females would sit down and be ladies, more males would stand up and be gentlemen.
one smart fellow, he felt smart
two smart fellows, they felt smart
three smart fellows, they felt smart
four smart fellows, they felt smart
five smart fellows, they felt smart
six smart fellows, they felt smart
Like This Is You Said That They Smelt Fart
NOW ITS THAT WEIRD I GUESS THEY SMELT FART NOT SO SMART LOL
Me: So, you like bad boys?
Me: Well i'm not trying to impress you or anything but, I got in trouble yesterday for playing with my food at the dinner table...
Turning into a ninja when you hear your phone ringing in another room
Everyone go back! It's a blow job!
A religious preacher came up to me the other day and asked if I believe in evolution or creationism.
I replied: I believe in evolution. How else would Charmander become Charizard?
When I Was 7, Hannah Montana Was That's So Raven, I-Carly Was Drake & Josh,Justin Bieber Was Jesse Mccartney, Lady Gaga Was Britney Spears, Wizards Of Waverly Place Was Phill Of The Future, And Spongebob.. Is STILL Spongebob(;
When David Beckham scores I drink BECKS.When Paul Scholes scores I drink SKOL.When Tommy Miller scores I drink Millers.Thank GOD David Seaman was a goalie!
Sarcasm (n.) - the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
squidward: spongebob, were you dropped on your head as a baby?
spongebob: aww *giggles* how did you know? *grins*
squidward: I'm a fortune teller
Harry Potter made wizards cool again, Left 4 Dead made zombies cool again, The Dark Knight made superheroes cool again, Twilight made vampires uncool forever
Dude, she called yo... "I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE CALLED ME!" No seriously she called you. *shows phone* see? two missed calls... "......."
Ypu just got good luck for 24hrs by reading this 'Like'. Keep it going and click the 'Like' button to spread good luck to all your friends.
Women are weird creatures...They can bleed for a week and not die, cry for no reason and can bury a bone without getting their nose dirty. Go figure..
If you want me to disappear, you are going to have to support her more than what I do...
The kid next door was running round the garden waving a pretend wand and shouting out spells.
"I bet you really want to be like Harry Potter, don't you?" I asked him.
"Yeah!" he shouted excitedly.
So I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.
I got a card today saying 'Happy Valentine's Day love, from you know who'.
Why the f*ck is Lord Voldemort sending me letters?
I'm wearing my BEST butt jeans, my cutest shirt, my hair looks amazing, and no matter where i go looking like this, NO hot guys are there.
I'm at Wal*Mart, hair tied up in a bun, no makeup, sweat pants,old t-shirt with paint and holes in it, and slippers. and every time I turn around, HOT GUYS EVERYWHERE.
I'm so good at cooking even the fire alarm cheers me on.
""Nerd?" We prefer the term "intellectual bad ass."".....Whatever NERD!
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