Summer in England is kind of like the ultimate one-night stand:
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Shes my best friend of course im going to tell her everything you just said
I Hate When I Wake Up And Realise My Dream Wasn't Real.
If you think it is necessary to judge me by my past, then don't get angry when I decide to leave your sorry A$$ there...
Stop looking at me like that.. Its making me want to kiss you! :)
Excuse me Bruno Mars, I know you are being lazy and all but get your own mob of Monkeys instead of taking mine. Ok, thanks.
Spelling a word so badly that even Microsoft Word Spell Checker & Google's 'Did You Mean?' doesn't even know WTF you were trying to type....
If you ignore me, I will ignore you. If you dont start the conversation, we wont talk. If you don't put in the effort, why should I?
What's the hardest past about getting a new computer?
Debating whether to start the p*rn = virus cycle again...
Real friends: Take the blame
Fake Friends: Blame you
REAL FRIENDS: DRAGS YOU INTO THE CROWD
Fake friends : Leave you stranded on your own.
Real friends: Cheer you up
Fake friends : Cheer themselves up when your sad
Real friends: Stick together
Fake Friends: Break apart
Real friends: Like this,
Fake friends: Laugh and ignore this
ARE YOU A TRUE FRIEND?
Facebook have recently announced that they are willing to add a dislike button for the whole facebook community to use. If this like can get 1 million likes, facebook will introduce this button for everyone to use.
1/1/11, 11/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/11/11 All In ONE Year! ♥
Stupid Question: When people see you lying down with your eyes closed and they ask, "Are You Sleeping?"
Smart Answer: "No! I'm training to die..."
**** Who Else Does This #54 ****
Whenever my parents ask who i'm texting or who i'm talking to, I automatically think of a friend who is the same gender as me that they already approve of.
Justin Bieber is a girl? His voice has now broken.
Justin Bieber is gay? He is with Selena Gomez.
Justin Bieber is a crap singer? Justin Timberlake and Usher fought over him, and all the big names want to collab with him.
Justin Bieber sucks? He has his own movie.
Stop being jealous trolls and learn to appreciate that some people are a lot more talented than you, he just followed his dream. How would you like it if you got hated on for no reason?
Like this page if you respect Justin Bieber.
Life would be perfect if: Some girls had mute buttons, some guys had edit buttons, hard times had fast forward buttons, and good times had pause buttons :)
Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of the vending machine at once...
Some people give up fast because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come.
The difference between School & Life? In School, you're taught a lesson & then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson
I can be mature. i just choose to be immature so i can have fun :)
Pokemon: Because the concept of going around and beating wild creatures unconscious then enslaving them so they can fight just for your amusement is such a good thing to teach children,
They say men think with their pen*s......
Well women don't have a pen*s....
Coincidence?
I don't know why, but we all do it. We all push the buttons harder on the remote whenever the batteries have died. Like its actually going to work...
President Bush tried and failed.
President Clinton tried and failed.
President Obama tried and succeeded.
.
The moral of this is...
If you want someone dead, hire a black man.
Doing something embarrassing then looking about to see if anyone seen.. :P
I like to wipe ketchup across my face at the dinner table, ecspecially when we have guests. Then when my mom asks "Why are you acting so immature?"
I reply: "Why. So. Serious?"