Mr Krabs: ...that makes you look like a girl...
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
The awkward moment when people are singing happy birthday to you so you just sit there in the middle of it all with a poker face wondering what to do...
DUDE: Your so far in the closet your in Narnia
OTHER DUDE: .... :P
DUDE: Btw, plz say hi to prince caspian for me
"Dude. You failed."
"Your face failed."
"Hah. Your Dad's condom failed."
"Your Mum's abortion failed."
"..."
3 RULES OF LIFE....
#1...it doesnt hurt when we pinch our elbows
#2...idiots will try #1
#3...idiots will laugh at #2 cuz its true
That one person that can completely p*ss you off and instantly ruin your mood, but can also make smile and brighten your day instantly.
Sibling Property Rules
If I like it, its mine.
If im holding it, its mine.
If i can take it from you, its mine.
If i had it a little while ago, its mine.
If im chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
If it it just looks like mine, its mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If its broken, its yours.
Middle School: "Shut up, it was a dare" High School: "Shut up, I was drunk"
I get so jealous when I am watching MTV cribs. They're like "...and this is my bedroom where all the magic happens"
I wish I had a magician that performed in my bedroom...
When someone likes your status that you shared about a week ago and you think to yourself..
“That b*tch must be stalking me…”
boy: i love you. girl: prove it. boy: how? girl: get rid of your xbox. boy: get out...
That WTF moment when your reading a WTF moment and you realise that you have had the same WTF moment and you are like WTF!
The 'I need a hug' mood.
*40 Year Old Man and A Blonde In A Supermarket*
Man: "Sorry ive been staring and i think i know you..."
Blonde: Yeah, i know you too, one of the kids i have is yours!"
Man: "Are you that blonde stripper i saw at a bachelor party i? when you tied me with handcuffs, licked my d*ck and we ended up having wild sex on the kitchen table?"
Blonde: "No, im your son's teacher..."
Girl at 5 years of age: Daddy, can i go to Maddy's party? (:
dad: sure, sweety.
Girl at 13 years of age: Dad, can i go to the park with some friends?
Dad: okay, but stay off the road, you hear me?
Girl at 16 years of age: dad, can i please go to the movies with my boyfriend.
Dad: I think i should come.
Girl: .... -.-
How cool would it be if each country had facebook?
Japan wrote on Chinas' wall....
America poked Afganistan...
England has 0 friends.....'
boy: i bet you 5 buck i can make your boobs jiggle without using my hands.
girl: ok then
boy: (grabs a hold of her boobs n starts jiggling them) oh well heres your 5 bucks
The man who invented it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it?
Come on girls lets face it. At some point in our lives, whether it's at school or just generally, we have all tried to keep a diary and failed... miserably...
Having a nice body when standing up and when you sit down you look like a fat sh*t!
George Bush is alot worse than Osama Bin Laden. He killed over 100000 people in the wars he have started. Osama Bin Laden have only killed 3000. Think about that
As we grow up, we don't lose friends, we just learn who the real ones are
“Mom i love you” … “I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY”
*After a Date*
Boy: I"ve...had the time of my life.
Girl: Me too.
Boy: And I"ve never felt this way before.
Girl: Me too!
Boy: I swear, this is true...
Girl: *Smiles*
Boy: ...And I owe it all to you. *looks at girl*
Girl: Aww! Your so sweet! I love yo-
Boy: DIRTY BIT. *starts breakdancing really hard right there in the middle of the street*
Girl: ..
evil dude: come to the dark side, we have cookies...
me: yeah, but do you have cake?
evil dude: no...
me:yeah, well the light side does. i heard their serving free ice cream today too!
evil dude:... can i come to the light side?
me: no, your evil.
evil dude: :'(
like if you cried :'(
We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us.