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Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength, I may just beat the living crap out of someone...
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
This is a big thanks to all our military personnel, here's to the fallen soldiers who gave up everything for our freedom...
Holy sh*t! F*ck i'm so sorry miss, I didn't realise my shirt was untucked, is everyone alright? no ones hurt, right?
Here is how it goes down in a test:
* Finish the first page of the test as fast as you can *
** Then once the first page is done, turn over as loud as you can so everyone knows that you are ahead of them **
American: "Oh wow you're from Australia!"
American: "Do you like ride a Kangaroo to school?"
Australian: "I don't know, do you like ride a fat person to school?"
justin bieber:baby baby baby ohhh
simon cowell:do you know what a condom is?
justin bieber: ya doesnt everyone
simon cowell:obviously your parents dont
When a package says "Easy Open" I end up using scissors, a knife, a gun and a lightsaber..
All the world leaders have hinted that there might be a bank holiday to mark Osama Bin Ladens death...
So, all together now
We're all going on Osama holiday...
The awkward moment when you're in a lift with an obese person and they catch you looking at the weight limit sign...
**** Dirty Mind Test #54 ****
It reads "My Pen Is In Your Mouth".........
What Was You Thinking?
********I Always Do This!********
When you get into an elevator and look at the maximum capacity and start mentally calculating everyones weight...
Life is like a bowl of soup...
You only get blown if you're hot...
That awkward moment when you are on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other b*tches on there wont stop jumping so you can't get back up...
I don't know what's up with my girlfriend. This morning she said she is leaving me because she thinks I am obsessed with Call Of Duty. Don't worry though, she won't get very far, I put a claymore by the door.
Boy: "Hey baby, want to come over tonite?" Girl: "Sure! What do you want to do?" Boy: "I'll give you a hint. It involves pillows and blankets ;)" Girl: "OH MY GOD! WE'RE GONNA BUILD A FORT!?"
Girl 1:Omg you look so pretty in that outfit!
Girl 2: Awh! Thanks you look pretty too!
Now lets change it up a bit
Guy 1: Dude you look so Hawt!
Guy 2: Dude... Are you gay?
R.I.P Nate Dogg - August 19, 1969 ~ March 15, 2011
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
Try to say the letter 'M' without your lips touching. Like if you tried.
Hearing someones story, and thinking " Fu*k, you're so full of s!*t!"
Girl: Hey look, gullible is written on the roof.
Guy: *looks up*
Girl: lol, you're so gullible !!!
Guy: but it does say gullible...
Girl: *looks up*
Guy: who's gullible now BITCH!!!
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's s*xual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, – “This is the WORST book I’ve ever read!” “It has NO plot and far too many characters!”
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks – “So, you’re the one who took our phone book…”
You managed to turn on my phone, decipher my unlock code, call pizza hut and put it on loud speaker in the middle of class.
Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think ...its a Teabag xD
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