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Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength, I may just beat the living crap out of someone...
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
When a Man Talks DIRTY to a Women its sexual harassment BUT when a Women talks DIRTY to a Man its 2.50 per minute.. ;)
When a girl hacks a Facebook account: OMG Amy! You have been hacked By Megan! Love Ya
When a boy hacks a Facebook account: Im gay!
Who else flushes the toilet just as they start to pee to see if they can finish before the toilet has finished flushing?
How cool would it be if each country had facebook!!!??? lol.....
Japan wrote on chinas wall....
America poked Afganistan...
England has 0 friends.....
How To Blow Bubbles:
First go like this, spin around. STOP!
Double take three times. One, two three.
Then.... pelvic thrust! Whooooooo! Whooooooo!
Stop on your right foot, DON'T FORGET IT!
Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring-it-a-round-town.
Then you do this, then this, and this, then this, then that, then this and that, and then...
Sometimes you gotta take five steps back to move 5 steps to the future
(_!_) regular arse
(__!__) fat arse
(!) tight arse
(_*_) sore arse
(_o_) well used arse
(_e=mc2_) smart arse
and the best one:
(_x_) kiss my arse
Walking out of the school toilets looking like a retard because your constantly checking your shoes for toilet roll on the bottom of them.
The awkward moment when you are having s*x with someone and they are not as loud as you
Them: Oh yes, yeah, oh yes
You: AHHHH! YES F*CKING YEAH!! THIS IS SPARTA!
Blueberry And Apple Blast My Bedazzled Buds With Blindingly Brilliant Bursts Of Bewitching Bliss !!!
no relationship is perfect, and if you say yours is.........then wake up and stop dreaming cause love hurts at times, but at the end of the day its worth it because without love, we are nothing
Friends vs Best Friends:
You: Damn! I've forgot my lunch money...
Friend: Aww never mind, i'll buy you lunch...
Best Friend: Haha it's ok, you were getting fat anyway...
Saying you'll wake up early in the morning to get something done, but then when it's time to wake up, you convince yourself that it's not that important.
1991: Sh*i! Im pregnant! I havent even gratuated from high school yet... Everyones going to think im a whore...
2011: Yes! Im pregnant, woo hoo! No I can try out for next years 16 & pregnant!
evil dude: come to the dark side, we have cookies...
me: yeah, but do you have cake?
evil dude: no...
me:yeah, well the light side does. i heard their serving free ice cream today too!
evil dude:... can i come to the light side?
me: no, your evil.
evil dude: :'(
like if you cried :'(
Call me a slut, call me a whore, if u dont like me there's the door. call me anorexic, call me fat, i can put it on or i can lose that. call me annoying, call me dumb, excuse me miss I'm having fun. call me a flirt, call me a fake, that's just me so give me a break. call me weird, call me a geek, call me what you want, I'm just unique
When you're telling someone a really funny story, and when it finally ends they look at you like you're on crack and you're like "dude, you had to be there"
Kid: can I borrow $50
Brother: what happened to the $50 I gave you last week
Kid: well your girlfriend isn't cheap bow chicka wow wow
The 'I need a hug' mood.
Ladies Can You Explain This: I never understood how if a woman is in her pants and bra, it's not acceptable. But if she's in a bikini then its ok?
I mean, whats the difference?
I didn't fall... the floor just needed a hug!
boy: i bet you 5 buck i can make your boobs jiggle without using my hands.
girl: ok then
boy: (grabs a hold of her boobs n starts jiggling them) oh well heres your 5 bucks
The awkward moment when you ask your best friend whether they are attending the party of the year that all the popular people are going to and they reply with "What Party?"
*****Ninja Rule # 32*****
When you want to secretly listen to a conversation, put some headphones in and pretend you are listening to music...
Boy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: Omg, YES!
Girl: Can you please take me home?
Boy: Why, you didn't change your mind, did you?
Girl, No, I just wanna change my relationship status to In a Relationship on Facebook.
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