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Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength, I may just beat the living crap out of someone...
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Boy: Want to hear a joke about my cock? Actually never mind, its to long.
Girl: Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Actually never mind, you wont get it :)
boy asks his mum "is it wrong to have a willy" she says no, why do you ask? boy replies, COZ DADS IN THE BATHROOM SWEATING LIKE MAD TRYING 2 PULL HIS OFF....
Women might be able to fake org*sms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
Math is the only place where I hear someone doing ridiculous things. For Example "John has 30 chocolate barsm he eats 23, what does he have now?"
Having like 50 t-shirts but you only wear 7 of them and complaining that you have no clothes...
Asking who is the 'man' and who is the 'woman' in a gay relationship is like going into a Chinese restaurant and asking which chopstick is the fork.
The really long sarcastic 'Hahahahahaha' before the 'No.'
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for s*x. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what s*x was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"
"Tarzan check for bees!"
I'M SUCH A BAD ASS..... i installed a program. it asked if I had read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
i hadn't, but i clicked 'yes' anyway.
girl: I love J.B.
I ♥ my own bed. But I’ll be honest, I'd much rather be in yours ;)
Getting mad because your celebrity boyfriend is in a relationship
Yeah sure we can meet up.....on the 30th of February, in Woolworths.. -.-
If a girl takes her makeup off around you, has her hair a mess around you, even when she's in the worst state, she loves you.
There are the normal boobs ( . )( . ), the silicone boobs ( + )( + ), the perfect boobs (o)(o). Some boobs are cold (^)(^), and some boobs belong to grandmothers ././ And let’s not forget the very large boobs (o Y o), and the very small boobs (.)(.), and lastly the asymmetrical boobs (•)(.) We love them all!
How do you expect me to stay with one girl for the rest of my life if I can't even jack off to the same p*rn twice?
The awkward moment when you continually have poke wars with someone, but you never actually talk to them in person or facebook.
"Statistically 1 in 20 of us live next door to a pedophile. Not me though, i live next door to a stunning pair of eight year olds." like if you get it :P
I like to lean back on the two back legs of my chair to see how long I can balance for, it's game over though when you have that mini heart attack from hell and you have to frantically grab on to something...
Millionaires, If you haven't got trampolines as floors and a giant slide from your bed to your swimming pool, then give me your money because you are wasting it.
Whenever someone opens their mouth up nice and wide, I just want to stick my d*ck in.................
Which is why I'm no longer a dentist...
Boy: can i touch your software?
Girl: show me first your hardware
Boy: can i install it in your system?
Girl: OK! if you cover it with anti-virus first!
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?......................
How can you breath through something so small?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
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