We must hurt, in order to grow.
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
no, wait, hug me some more
A man walks into a bar and stand next to an extremely hot woman. He stands their and continuously looks at his watch.
The hot woman asks: "Is you date late or something?"
The man replies: "No, I'm just amazed by my magic watch.."
"What does you watch do so magical?" Asks the woman.
The man replies: "Well it tells me anything I want to know..."
The woman asks: "Well ask it something, what does it say?"
The man says: "I already asked it a question, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman replies: "Well your watch is wrong, I am wearing panties."
The man replies: "Oh sorry, my watch is one hour fast..."
Mum notices her sons bed has been made without her asking..Mum finds note on boys bed:
Mum im sorry, i have left home. I know im only 15 but my girlfriend is pregante and im going to live with her, you were never supportive and that really hurts me. dont bother looking for me, u wont find me. im sorry it has to be like this, but i dont see any other way.
P.S: MUM IM JOKING, I WAGGED SCHOOL TODAY AND I GOT BUSTED. IM AT AIDIANS. CALL ME WHEN U HAVE CALMED DOWN. xx
Teacher: Jamie what is the answer to question 2 ?
Jamie: Umm
Kid behind him (whispers): 56
Jamie: 56
Teacher: (suprised) well done thats right
Jamie: thanks
Teacher: could you explain how you worked it out to the class please.
Jamie: Umm.................................................................................
I don't know what to talk about, but i wanna talk to you.
Got young brothers or sisters? Go to a supermarket and tell them that no matter how fast they run at it, automatic doors will always open in time. :)
My mom wants 3-D eye surgery to see 3-D movies without glasses. I told her they don’t exist. She doesn’t care. Operation’s next Tuesday.
Did you know that the names of the characters in Inception are:
D = Dom
R = Robert
E = Eames
A = Arthur
M = MAl
S = Saito
Your Mind = Inceptionally Blown
SAD STORY:
Boy: Make me a sandwich.
Girl: No.
like if you cried...
whoever created this page:A girl finds out she has ovarian cancer, and can't find a donor. She tells her boyfriend but he doesn't even look up from the TV. The girl finally gets a donor and after the surgery asks her mum "Who donated the ovaries?" That girl visits her boyfriends grave everyday. aw :')
**** Who else does this? ****
Mentally saying 'Wed-nes-day' before writing it down?
Maximum Respect for the British Armed Forces supporting the RBL
You look hot. At night. Miles away. Behind a wall. In a cave. Deep underground. To a blind person.
Phoning a friend to let them know that you are outside their house instead of knocking.
my friends♥;
friend;; *eating doritos* stupid dorito!
me;; are you talkin to your doritos?
friend;; yeah i name them before i eat them
me;; wow...this is why i love you.
*few minutes of silence*
friend;; *whispers* goodbye bill.
Today, I decided that I want to be a ninja when I grow up. I Googled "Ninja School" to see where I can be professionally trained in the art. I followed a link that said Ninja School, and the page could not be found. Well played, Ninja School!
I hate boys who think they can get any girl.
10 things a typical teenage girl can't live without...
1. A Mobile Phone
2. A Laptop or Computer with internet access
3. Headphones
4. A Warm Hoodie
5. Music
6. A Facebook, Msn, or YouTube account
7. Sleep
8. Unlimited Texts
9. Hair Straighteners
10. Reality TV
Like this if you can't live without at least one of these things!!
In Reception, i crossed my arms as high as i could to get let out first!!
I woke up this morning, looked down and saw that one of my toes were missing. There was a note stuck to my foot that read "Gone to Market"
I hate when people ask me "What on earth were you thinking!?"
Obviously I was thinking that I would get away with it and not have to f*cking explain it...
My business isn't your business. So unless you are my thong, don't be up my A$$.
Admit it, at some point in your life, you've tried to close the fridge as slow as you can just so you can when the light goes out....
Why is it that when my mom looks for something, it magically appears...
Taking your phone out of your pocket a second before you get a text and feeling like God.