Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
If abortion is classed as murder, then bl*wjobs should be classed as cannibalism and m*sturbation should be classed as mass genocide.
I went to Currys, They didn't do curry... I went to Selfridges, they didn't sell fridges... And believe me, the Virgin Megastore was a huge disappointment.
"Not everything on the internet is true..."
Wait, so you mean there's not beautiful singles in my area dying to meet me?
That awkward moment when you are on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other b*tches on there wont stop jumping so you can't get back up...
God gave us two ears to hear. God gave us two eyes to see. God gave us two hands to hold.
But why did God only give us 1 heart?
Because he want's us to find the other one.
Our relationship is like a game of Jumanji, You don’t know what’s going to happen and you don’t know where your going to end up
The awkward moment when your Mom is washing the dishes and you try and put your plate in the sink ninja style
Boy goes to a strip club; his mom gets angry and asks him: "did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?"
Boy; ''yes... i saw Dad..."
straightening your hair putting on make up and dying your hair isn't fake... excuse me for actually caring about how i look...
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a knife,
Get in the van...
Sandy: "...land on your bottom."
Spongebob: "Like this?"
Patrick: "No, your other bottom"
Sandy: "Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?"
Patrick: "Nope. Not until 4..."
SAD STORY:
Boy: Make me a sandwich.
Girl: No.
like if you cried...
Taking a shower at someones house and getting completly undressed
then being like
"how the hell do you turn this thing on?"
That one person that can completely p*ss you off and instantly ruin your mood, but can also make smile and brighten your day instantly.
Mom: "Do you think I'm made of money?" Me: "Isn't that what MOM stands for?" :)
Realising someone doesn’t speak English and speaking to them in a slow, loud and retarded voice cause you’re a fearless b*stard.
Yes I spend a lot of time on the internet.....
No it doesn't mean I'm anti-social...
Dear McDonald's Cashier,
Don't give me that look... Last time I checked, there was no age limit on Happy Meals.
Sincerely, Don't forget the toy.
When a sad song come's on in the car , and you look out the window, with the window open, pretending your in a movie.
If bars don't serve drunk people, then McDonald's shouldn't serve fat people...
Watching Dora the Explorer* Dora: Can you see Swiper? Preschool: He's right there! Middle School: This is stupid. High School: DORA! DORA! HE'S RIGHT THERE!! DON'T LET HIM SWIPE YOUR THINGS!! AHHH! NOOOO!
SAY THIS!!!
one smart fellow, he felt smart
two smart fellows, they felt smart
three smart fellows, they felt smart
four smart fellows, they felt smart
five smart fellows, they felt smart
six smart fellows, they felt smart
Like This Is You Said That They Smelt Fart
NOW ITS THAT WEIRD I GUESS THEY SMELT FART NOT SO SMART LOL
The awkward moment when you are an Atheist and you die and come back as a tree, but then they cut you down, turn you into paper and then print a bible on you...
There was never really a picture of Osama dead, or any evidence. I mean the ones they gave could've been photoshopped and the house could've been anyones. And by the way elections are coming up. So is Osama Bin Laden really did or does Barrack Obama want votes for declaring a death that everyone wished?
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming,