Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
This blonde chick called me the other day. I couldn't stop laughing at her, because the first thing she said was, can i have your number?
I'm too sexy for you anyway :)
putting freezing cold hands on someone warm... :P
To whomever wrote:
"10 things a typical teenage girl can"t live without...
1. A Mobile Phone
2. A Laptop or Computer with internet access
3. Headphones
4. A Warm Hoodie
5. Music
6. A Facebook, Msn, or YouTube account
7. Sleep
8. Unlimited Texts
9. Hair Straighteners
10. Reality TV
5 things a typical teenage boy can"t live without...
1. COD
2. COD
3. COD
4. COD
5. COD"
That's unfair. I'm a teenage boy and I'm quite fond of oxygen.
Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.
Oh you're dating my ex? Cool. Im eating a sandwhich.... You want those leftovers too?
Blonde: Hey, What does 'IDK' mean? ...Brunette: "I dont know" ...Blonde: "Omg NOBODY knows!"
USA lost many lives on 9-11-01 and now Japan has lost more lives on 3-10-11.
Add the 2 dates together and you get 12-21-12.
Friend: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Me: Hey! STFU while im texting...
Friend: Why?
Me: Because you're gonna make me type what we're saying...
Dear men,
Your jokes about make-up and women in the kitchen are NOT funny.
Sincerely,
Hundreds of unamused women!
100 Friends - Thats ok.
200 Friends - Eh, Your getting there.
300 Friends - Good amount.
400 Friends - Sorta popular.
500 Friends - Your well known.
600 Friends - Your a sl*t.
700 Friends - Big sl*t.
800 Friends - You dont even know half of them.
900 Friends - Nerd.
1000 Friends - Facebook is your life.
Definition Of Karma:
When you throw a banana peel in Mario Kart and you end up skidding out on it in the next lap...
Going to MacDonalds for a salad roll is like going to a brothel for a hug.
Don't you hate it when you're texting lying down on your bed and all of a sudden your phone decides to be ninja and slips through your hands and attacks your face?
I went running after my dreams, but tripped on reality, fell on hard times and landed in a world of hurt...
Summer in England is kind of like the ultimate one-night stand:
**********************************************************************
hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.
"OMG REALLY?!?!?!?" haha no im lying
When i say LOL, i don't literally mean i laughed out loud. What i actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nostrils, similar to a bull.
I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. I log off of Facebook chat. Its nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I just dont want to talk.
"All I do is WIN WIN WIN no matter what..."
Grandma, you're just at the ATM, chill man.
Yes...
I'm a girl
I push doors that clearly say PULL
I laugh harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing.
I walk into a room and [forget] why I was there
I count on my fingers in math class
I try to accomplish things with time still on the microwave
I Lie Sometimes to hide the pain
I say its a long story when it's really not
I fall in love too hard too fast
I only check my voice mail to get rid of the little notification symbol on my screen.
**Types in password** 'Password incorrect' 'Huh?' **types it in again** 'Password incorrect' 'But that IS my password' **types it in again** 'Password incorrect** 'b**ch that IS my password! Im gonna throw this thing out the fu.... oh wait, caps lock.'
I WISH I HAD UNLIMITED MONEY
Man kids of today... Crying just because their XBOX or PS3 overheated and got the red light of death...
Man when I was younger, and my console was broke, I used my initiative. I took the cartridge out, blew it and put it back.
Worked every time...