Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Listen very carefully, this is a very important question................................................
Do you know..... The Muffin man?
Have You Ever Noticed that:
OK looks like a person lying sideways.
lol looks like a person drowning and,
QK looks like a ninja or is it just me?
Dear Teachers,
I'm sorry I didn't realize that the color of my nails, how many bracelets I wear, If my hair is up or down, What clothes I have on, If I wear make-up or how many piercings I have would affect my education.
Sincerely,
Students.
Someone told me i am immature and need to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my treehouse now
Fun idea: Don't have kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. When you get home later that evening, go mental and ask where the child has gone.
Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.
Love is Heaven, but it hurts like Hell
Being nice to people you don't like isn't being two faced. It's called growing up. - Drake.
**** Fact #146 ****
More money is spent on fake b00bs and viagra than treatment for alzeimers!
By 2024 the elderly are going to have big perky b00bs and rock hard c0cks and they won't even remember why...
I'm a typical teenage guy
1) I act stupid around my friends
2) I won't pick up on your flirting hints
3) I don't just play call of duty all the time
4) I have more feelings than you think
5) I don't always think with my dick
6) and I don't always think that pretty girls are hot everyone has their own opinion on girls
Sincerely,
A teenage guy
We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us.
Have you ever...
*Sat in a car thinking someone was going to break in?
*Lied to your teacher saying you forgot your homework at home, but never did it?
*Laughed so much your stomach started to hurt?
*Fall down in a store and the clerk just stares at you?
*Had that 5 minute silence during a phone call?
If you have had one of these happen, "like!"
Hey, Durex are teaming up with Harry Potter to help young wizards and witches stay safe while they are getting intimate with each other. Their slogan is going to be "Protect your slytherin from her hogwarts while you are in her chamber of secrets."
One day i will actually hit you.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket".
mirrors can't talk. and lucky for you, they can't laugh
Weekends that you actually have something to do.
I hate when you're trying to type something then someone interupts you and you start typing what they was saying to you!
Remember when you were little and every time you drank soda out of a glass bottle, you always pretended it was beer.
I remember when staying up until midnight was hard work. Now it's just a bad habit that's hard to break.
boyfriEND, girlfriEND, friEND, everything has an end, except for family.
**** How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? ****
The answer is one. But the light bulb has to WANT to change...
Putting "le" in front of a word makes it French
So...
A neutron walks into a bar.
The neutron ask the bartender:
"How much do you charge for a beer?"
The bartender looks up and down on him, and says:
"For you, no charge."
Physics joke haha. :D
Partying Bevrages Evolution
Age 10: Orange Juice and Milkshake
Age 14: Fizzy Drinks
Age 17: Alcoholic Drinks
Age 25: Even Stronger Booze
Age 40: EVEN Worse
Age 60: Tea + Coffee
Age 90: Water