Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Admit it, at one point in your life you have been attracted to a cartoon character. Don't worry it was normal when you were young.
How To Live Life:
********************
Live without pretending.
Love without depending.
Listen without defending.
Speak without offending.
Staring at a text for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to reply while secretly thinking, damn it's a good thing we aren't talking face to face, I'd be screwed..
Bruno Mars had a grenade and Taio Cruz had dynamite.
They both threw them at Kay Perry who exploded like a Firework.
The bang was so loud that the Black Eyed Peas got confused and forget The Time while Rihanna ran round asking everyone What's My Name...
Eminem looked around a said Im Not Afraid while Far East Movement was scared who flew away Like A G6.
Then Nelly woke up and said it was Just A Dream.
How cool would it be if each country had facebook?
Japan wrote on Chinas' wall....
America poked Afganistan...
England has 0 friends.....'
Dear Boys, We love to wear your jackets, love it when you hug us from behind, love it when you say i love you in front of everyone... ...And have best friends who will break ur necks if you break our hearts. Sincerely, Girls
What makes a girl cute is her behavior.
What makes a girl pretty is her face.
What makes a girl hot is her body.
What makes a girl beautiful is her personality.
What makes a girl stunning is all of the above.
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or
my sexy body?..
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: your
sense of humor.
Partying Bevrages Evolution
Age 10: Orange Juice and Milkshake
Age 14: Fizzy Drinks
Age 17: Alcoholic Drinks
Age 25: Even Stronger Booze
Age 40: EVEN Worse
Age 60: Tea + Coffee
Age 90: Water
"But mom what if i get kidnapped?" "Trust me, they'd bring you back"
A guy in a romantic mood says to his girlfriend: I want to be a part of your body.
She replies: no thanks, I already have an asshole
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Don't you hate when you read in your head and you sound like a pro, but when it comes to reading aloud you sound like a complete retard...
Spongebob:hey Patrick.
Patrick:what?
Spongebob: i thought of something funnier than 24.
Patrick:let me hear it.
Spongebob: 25
Staying online until the person you like goes to sleep
I want to lick you, s*ck you, move my tounge all around you.....
but this damn wrapper wont come off the lollipop ;P
Did you know that the names of the characters in Inception are:
D = Dom
R = Robert
E = Eames
A = Arthur
M = MAl
S = Saito
Your Mind = Inceptionally Blown
**** Did You Know? ****
Did you know the only place you can tickle yourself is the roof of your mouth with your little finger...
... I Bet You Tried...
That mini heart attack moment when you go to take that extra step on the stairs that isn't actually there...
Who needs School when you have got JUSTIN BIEBER;
English – His amazing accent
Maths – Common Denominator
Science – He’s Doctor Bieber
Religious Studies – Pray
PE – Ice hockey, Base Ball, Basketball and Dance
Geography – World Tour
Drama – CSI and SNL
Music – 3 Albums!
Languages – He speaks English, French and a bit of German
Film Studies – Never Say Never 3D
Love Beliebers xx
I'm a typical teenage guy
1) I act stupid around my friends
2) I won't pick up on your flirting hints
3) I don't just play call of duty all the time
4) I have more feelings than you think
5) I don't always think with my dick
6) and I don't always think that pretty girls are hot everyone has their own opinion on girls
Sincerely,
A teenage guy
teacher: Kyle, what is the answer to number 27 of the homework?
Kyle: umm...
Kid sitting behind him: (whispered) 42.
Kyle: 42?
Teacher: (surprised) that's right.
Like this if this has ever happened to you.
It's OK, ignore me then. Not like I have any feelings is it?
*GIRLS*
Hair: 30min-2hrs.
Makeup: 5-20mins.
Outfit: 10min-3hrs.
*BOYS*
Hair: 0-5mins.
Makeup: I hope not.
Outfit: 1-10mins.
Sometimes I get really depressed for no reason, but then remember.... I have, huge, round, perky boobs!