Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Light travels fast than sound. Thats why some people appear bright until you hear them speak...
You said it was over, so why are you getting mad when I move on ?
The awkward moment when you are watching a film with your girlfriend and she puts her head in you lap...
"Stand Down Soldier! Stand. Down!"
I'll just sleep 5 more minutes...7:05...7:10...7:15....8:30?!?!?!? CRAP!
The Awkward moment when your in a bad mood and someone is next to you watching TV and then they start saying inspirational stuff... but it turns out theyre just singing the theme song to pokemon...
Dear Heart,
Please stop getting involved in everything, your job is to pump blood... That's it!
Sincerely
Every Boy and Girl In Love...
Shes my best friend of course im going to tell her everything you just said
I ♥ THE WEEKEND
hot, fit, sexy? nothing compares to beautiful.
Dirty Mind Test: kidsexchange
If you read that as 'kid sex change' then your kinda dirty ;D 'kids exchange'
My milkshake brings voldemort to the yard and i'm like, it's hurting my scar...
Them: Awww! You have gotten so big since the last time I saw you. I remember when you were just a little kid.
Me: *Smiles*
Me In head: Who the f*ck are you?
We may come from different places and speak in different tongues, but in the end, our hearts beat as one - Dumbledore.
using your phone in the dark as a torch
boy: i love you. girl: prove it. boy: how? girl: get rid of your xbox. boy: get out...
*RING RING* Hi! Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, uh-huh, okay, yeah, I know, okay, BYE MOM
Okay, so you're 10 years old, you have a laptop, iPod, Facebook and a Blackberry. Dude, when I was 10 I had a Tamagotchi.
You may have died, but I love and remember you - R.I.P
Does
^Anyone
^^Realise
^^^That
^^^^In
^^^^^These
^^^^^^Kind
^^^^^^^Of
^^^^^^^^Likes
^^^^^^^^^The
^^^^^^^^^^Arrows
^^^^^^^^^^^Look
^^^^^^^^^^^^Like
^^^^^^^^^^^^^Half
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Of
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^A
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Christmas
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Tree?!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Realize*
^^^^^^^^ an i just killed ur christmas tree:) asshole! ;D
^^^^^^^^ No, You started the trunk! ASSHOLE! ;D
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I ruined your trunk! :D
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Or it's just grass
******The First Time Someone Used The Middle Finger*******
Person 1: I'm so mad right now, i could just, i could....GAH
****Sticks up middle finger*****
Person 2: What's that mean?
Person 1: I don't know, but it just feels right...
whoever created this page:A girl finds out she has ovarian cancer, and can't find a donor. She tells her boyfriend but he doesn't even look up from the TV. The girl finally gets a donor and after the surgery asks her mum "Who donated the ovaries?" That girl visits her boyfriends grave everyday. aw :')
I have just started a new job as a head teacher at a new school. From now on, it is school policy that whenever someone fails a test, all the teachers have to staple a McDonald's application form to the front of it.
That'll teach them.
Like this to wish your mother a happy mothers day!
I love Mummy
I love Mummy
Yes I do
Yes I do
All I want to say is
Happy Mothers Day
I love you
Hello Justin Bieber. I want to play a game. Throughout the years you have soiled the meaning of good music. There? will be consequences. The device attached to your abdomen will trigger in 75 seconds, sending a metal bar up your ass. Your chances at surviving is the key located in your ashophogus, inside your lungs, the very lungs that have soiled the ears of the innocent. How much blood will you sacrifice to continue? your life? The choice is yours. Let the game begin.
my friends♥;
friend;; *eating doritos* stupid dorito!
me;; are you talkin to your doritos?
friend;; yeah i name them before i eat them
me;; wow...this is why i love you.
*few minutes of silence*
friend;; *whispers* goodbye bill.