Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
I am too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to de defeated....
We use "lol" when...
1) What you said was kinda funny
2) It gets awkward
3) We want to end a sentence
4) We randomly want in the middle of our sentences because we're so used to writing it
Let's agree, we overuse "lol"
Wake up, look at clock: 7:00, .... shut eyes for second .... look at clock: 7:01 ..... shut eyes for second ...... look at clock: 7:58 ..... ****!
The 'I need a hug' mood.
Dear humans,
Remember how your parents always told you that we were more afraid of you than you were of us?
We're not.
Sincerely,
Spiders
When you log on to facebook and see 89 notifications, and 6 messages you know you've said something you shouldn't have.
No matter how old you are, no matter how much of a bada$$ you think you are, if a toddler hands you thier ringing toy phone, you answer it....
I hate it when your trying to be serious, but then you accidently smile :)
Bring Back BNBN's!!!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off..
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
Don't you just hate it when your having a conversation with someone and then your spit decides to leap out of your mouth and land on the other person.
Even weirder is the fact both of you know what has just happened and you just ignore it...
If abortion is classed as murder, then bl*wjobs should be classed as cannibalism and m*sturbation should be classed as mass genocide.
Hitting the snooze 14 times before you roll your lazy a$$ out of bed
What is long, hard and full of seamen.....
It's not what you think, honestly!
IT'S A SUBMARINE!!
I'm Proud 2 say: I Don"t Smoke
The moment when your cat yawns and then it looks all confused afterwards because you just HAD to stick your finger in it's mouth while it yawned...
Partying
Today i went on thesaurus.c0m and searched "ninjas" The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found" Well played, ninjas, well played ;)
Teacher: Were learning the ABC today.
Student: Miss, can i go toilet please?
Teacher: No.
Student: Okay.
5 mins later..
Boy: Can i go toilet now please miss?
Teacher: In a minute.
Student: Okay miss.
Minute later..
Student: Can i go now?
Teacher: Say the ABC first.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
Teacher: Where's the letter P?
Student: It's running down my leg miss.
Like if you get it :L
How Kids Are Influenced By Music #1
Kids Before: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Kids now: Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.
You wonder why I never told you how I feel about you. The truth is I was scared. I have let my gaurd down with so many people in the past and ended up hurt. AND I'M TIRED OF LIVING LIFE THAT WAY! NO MORE GOING THROUGH HELL FOR ANY GUY!
**** Did You Know? ****
Did you know the only place you can tickle yourself is the roof of your mouth with your little finger...
... I Bet You Tried...
Boys that smell good are always hug worthy. :)
Did you know that opinions are like org*sms?
............Mine's more important and I don't give a f*ck if she has one!