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If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it's probably a cow in disguise, don't let it fool you!
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Yeah, that sounded a lot better in my head.
Some people might not like me,
Some people will hate me,
but I don't care,
I am who I am and I don't give a f*ck what anyone else thinks!
Squidward: Stop it Patrick, I'm claustrophobic.
Patrick: What does that mean?
Spongebob: It means he is scared of Santa Clause.
Patrick: HO HO HO!
Spongebob: Stop it Patrick, you are scaring him...
"No offense" means "I'm about to insult you, but don't get mad."
We may come from different places and speak in different tongues, but in the end, our hearts beat as one - Dumbledore.
Hey, does anyone else think that Spongebob and Patrick are secretly dating?
The reasons why people stand up...
1. To get the remote.
2. To go to the toilet.
3. Because your the real slim shady.
You can make anything work if you really want it to.
*Do not try this at home* Dude, we have to do this!
The moment when your cat yawns and then it looks all confused afterwards because you just HAD to stick your finger in it's mouth while it yawned...
If people are always trying to bring you down, it just means they are jealous because you are above them.
He's annoying, he's hilarious, he's the world's biggest jerk, he makes me want to scream, he ruins my day and saves it at the last minute, he drives me crazy, he's out of his mind, I hate his guts, and he's everything I want.
you know you are a normal teen if:
1)you have a facebook
2)you own a cellphone
4)you are wasting your time reading this
5)you didn't realize there was no #3
7)you checked to see if there wasn't a #3
8)O: where's 6?
9)you are smiling now uncontrollably
Like If You Did This ^
The 'I need a hug' mood.
**** Who else does this? ****
That one drawer in your house where you put all your random items, like old batteries, bits of lego, shirt buttons...
I believe that “Stalking” is such a strong word.
I like to look at it as “intense research on an individual”
Studies show that the average person that reads the word "Yawn" will actually begin to yawn. So if you are reading this while yawning then you, i'm afraid, are average...
If you've managed to read this far without yawing then congratulations you are above average.
Ladys, Below are reasons why cookie dough is better than ANY p*nis:
It's enjoyable, soft or hard.
Its makes a mess too, but it tastes a lot better.
When ever it's in your mouth, you always want to swallow.
You can enjoy it more than once.
It comes already wrapped in a protective wrapping.
You dont have to keep going until you've finished it off.
You dont have to change the sheets if you eat it in bed.
You can have more than one and you will not be called a s!ut.
They come in all sizes.
Roses are red violets are fine I will be the 6 if you'll be the nine.
A boy is crying while watching TV.
Mum: What's wrong?
Boy: Justin Bieber just got shot on CSI!
Mum: Aww, honey, it's not real, he's still alive...
Boy: That's why I'm crying.
Tummy, sorry for the butterflys.
Pillow, sorry for the tears.
but most important, heart, sorry for the break
Making weird noises when you stretch.
girl: I love J.B. <3
boy: OMG SO DO I!!
girl: He's so sexy!
girl: He's so hot! <3
girl: And he can do everything!
boy: Well, that I agree with.
girl: Justin Bieber is so cute!!
boy: Oh, I thought you were talking about Jack Black. =/
**** What happens if you go to bed with an itchy butt? ****
You wake up with stinky fingers...
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