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If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it's probably a cow in disguise, don't let it fool you!
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Did you ever notice, when people tell you you've changed, it's only because you stopped acting the way they want you to act.
Man kids of today... Crying just because their XBOX or PS3 overheated and got the red light of death...
Man when I was younger, and my console was broke, I used my initiative. I took the cartridge out, blew it and put it back.
Worked every time...
i'm one of those people that laughs at a joke 3 TIMES:
-ONCE when it's told to me
-ONCE when it's explained to me
-ONCE 5 minutes later when i finally understand it..
LIKE if you know someone who needs a smack in the face with a shovel
Like this if you're that girl that eats like a pig and is still underweight (:
I piss you off because I love you
Don't you hate watching the one you like, liking someone else?
If you want me to disappear, you are going to have to support her more than what I do...
When I see a typo I look at the keyboard to see if the two keys were close
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up
Dad: Son, did you change your relationship status to "It's Complicated" on Facebook?
Dad: Why? Can't you decide which hand to use...
The difference between School & Life? In School, you're taught a lesson & then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson ♥
Hello Justin Bieber. I want to play a game. Throughout the years you have soiled the meaning of good music. There? will be consequences. The device attached to your abdomen will trigger in 75 seconds, sending a metal bar up your ass. Your chances at surviving is the key located in your ashophogus, inside your lungs, the very lungs that have soiled the ears of the innocent. How much blood will you sacrifice to continue? your life? The choice is yours. Let the game begin.
Welcome to our society. You will be judged on what you wear, which music you listen to, what you look like, how you act, who you hang around with, and on practically every other personal trait and imperfection about you, and you'll be made fun of for being who you are. Enjoy your stay.
Not only do we have the same name, but we're both black on the inside too.
"What happened to bro's before hoes?" "Well, this one isn't a hoe, so she's first."
We are writing to inform you that.... We Win and you suck.
Lovefilm & Netflix.
A kid walking down the street see's the word "F*cked"
He goes home and asks his mum what f*cked means, She says "It means Getting Dressed dear"
Then he goes outside and someone yells "Shit"
He goes home and asks his mum what shit means, She says "It means Food dear"
Then dad comes home and says:
Dad: "Hey son"
Kid: "Hey dad, the shits on the table and mums upstairs getting f*cked"
Like if you get it ;)
My Mom left me a note that read "Im going away on the weekend with your father. I've left $50 somewhere in your room for food. If you clean your room you should be able to find it."
Now I've got to decide whether to clean my room or starve over the weekend... I wish she would stop leaving me with decisions to make...
No, you're right. i mistook our endless conversations, your sweet texts, the compliments, and our amazing moments for you liking me. my bad.
three criminals robbed a grocery store and were looking for a place to hide. they soon found a farm and went in to hide. The first criminal hid in a horse shed,the second in a pig pen and in the third in a potato sack. 20 mins later a policeman went into the farm.
He kicked the horse shed..."neigh!"
He then kicked the Pig pen...."oink,oink!"
And then he kicked the potato sack......."potato,potato!"
"Low Battery, Please Connect Charger"
B*tch you're a smart phone, connect yourself!
How do you expect me to stay with one girl for the rest of my life if I can't even jack off to the same p*rn twice?
Being nice to people you don't like isn't being two faced. It's called growing up. - Drake.
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