Back to Facebook
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it's probably a cow in disguise, don't let it fool you!
Next Page »
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
If abortion is classed as murder, then bl*wjobs should be classed as cannibalism and m*sturbation should be classed as mass genocide.
**** You never guess what I saw today!!! ****
I was walking down the road to the shop and I saw a woman who was wearing more make-up than clothes... It's disgraceful how women expose every part of their body in today's society...
I can never finish cleaning my room because of all the cool stuff I find....
Can I pretty please keep you forever? :')
"F*cking" is a f*cking word that can f*cking be put anyf*ckingwhere in a f*cking sentence and it f*cking still makes f*cking sense.
Excuse me Bruno Mars, I know you are being lazy and all but get your own mob of Monkeys instead of taking mine. Ok, thanks.
Christmas just didn't feel like Christmas this year :(
Sorry but im sexually attracted to you and when I touch you and feel you, I just want to rip all of your clothes off... I hope you dont mind ;)
I get so jealous when I am watching MTV cribs. They're like "...and this is my bedroom where all the magic happens"
I wish I had a magician that performed in my bedroom...
My girlfriend just text me saying "I want you to get me wet when I get home..." So i'm ready and waiting with 15 water balloons...... I can't wait.....
There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette sawm 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!
When you say something funny to your friends and then someone you don't like laughs as well... Then you're like "No. You're not allowed to laugh at my jokes..." -_-
The awkward moment when you are an Atheist and you die and come back as a tree, but then they cut you down, turn you into paper and then print a bible on you...
In America, kids shut their eyes slightly and say "Haha me Chinese, I like tofu. Me kwan do ee fah!"
In China kids open their eyes as wide as they can and say "Heeeeey I'm American. I'm fat and I like hamburgers! Nom nom nom nom nom..."
1. Wake Up
2. Check phone for messages
3. Check Facebook for any notifications.
Guess what i'm going to go and do?
I'm going to take a hot shower.... it's like a normal shower only with me in it...
I hate when my parents text me..............
A simple "Come Home" turns into "cdjsome haofhme@&".....
I love it when somebody sees me, screams my name & then runs to hug me :")
That mini heart attack when your walking down some stairs and your foot slips on a step, then you attack the hand rail with your kung fu death grip.
*During S*x Education*
*Teacher caught boy doing something to a girl*
Teacher : WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Boy : I just had s*x! ~
Teacher : WHAT?! WHY ARE YOUR WORKSHEETS ALL BLANK ???!
Boy : Because action speaks louder than words.
The only thing woman clean out is a mans bank account.
whereas the only thing men clean out is their internet history.
Hey Pr*ck, Your name sounds like you work for the Taliban...
Grandma, he's the president!
The awkwardness when you still cant understand someone after they've repeated themselves about 4 times..
Single isn't a status. It's a word that describes a person who is strong enough to enjoy life without having to depend on anybody else...
Going to MacDonalds for a salad roll is like going to a brothel for a hug.
Next Page »
Terms of Service
Me Like This © 2010. All Rights Reserved - This site is not affiliated with Facebook.