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If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it's probably a cow in disguise, don't let it fool you!
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
I don't like to think before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Trying to finish a dream by going back to sleep.
Me: "Im A Ninja..."
Friend: "No You Not!"
Me: "Yes I Am, Did You See Me Do That>"
Friend: "Do What?"
I hate it when i sleep at someones house and wake up AGES before them.
Hanging My Clothes Up On My Floordrobe...
The Awkward moment when your in a bad mood and someone is next to you watching TV and then they start saying inspirational stuff... but it turns out theyre just singing the theme song to pokemon...
When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.
Scientifically it has been proven that too many birthdays can kill you...
Guys, here is a few tips for when you are texting girls:
1. Never take any longer then 20 minutes to reply.
2. Don't give short or one word replies.
3. Ask plenty of questions to show interest.
4. Utilise :). B*tches love :)
What are the three rings of marriage?
1. Engagement Ring
2. Wedding Ring
Girl at 5 years of age: Daddy, can i go to Maddy's party? (:
dad: sure, sweety.
Girl at 13 years of age: Dad, can i go to the park with some friends?
Dad: okay, but stay off the road, you hear me?
Girl at 16 years of age: dad, can i please go to the movies with my boyfriend.
Dad: I think i should come.
Girl: .... -.-
I'm sick of you men telling us that women are bad drivers.
How many of you can do 90mph in the fast lane of a motorway whilst putting on mascara?
I turned out liking you, A lot more than I originally planned
That feeling of accomplishment when you manage to punch your straw through a Capri-sun first time without any trouble...
"How was the test?" "I failed..."
ENEMY - HAHAHAHA! Serves you right!
FRIEND - Okay...
GOOD FRIEND - Aww cheer up. You'll do better next time.
BEST FRIEND - HAHAHAHA! I FAILED TOO! HIGH-FIVE!
Best friends are awesome!
"I don't have any lunch money."
"Aww, here's $5."
"I don't have any lunch money."
"Good, you were getting fat anyway."
Dear gay men,..
Please stop being so much kinder, funnier, and more attractive than straight men. It's quite depressing.
Sincerely, all single women.
Hearing someones story, and thinking " Fu*k, you're so full of s!*t!"
I signed up to a gym the other day and I got a free session with a personal trainer.
Me: "I want a to be able to impress all the girls, tell what machines to go on..."
Personal Trainer: "Haha you don't need the gym for that, there's an ATM over there, just use that...
Man I wish I had Dora's parents. They let her go ANYWHERE!
"All I do is WIN WIN WIN no matter what..."
Grandma, you're just at the ATM, chill man.
**** Who else does this? ****
Mentally saying 'Wed-nes-day' before writing it down?
The best kinds of laughter:
1. Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent.
2. Laughing so hard that you feel a six pack coming on.
3. Laughing so hard that tears start coming out.
Hot Girl: Haha what a nerd
Me: He'll probably be your boss one day so be careful about what you say...
Nerd: No I wont be her boss becuase I don't plan on becoming a pimp...
Whole Class: Ohhhh Sh*t!
What you looking at? You want a picture, it lasts alot longer??
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