Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Life would be perfect if: Some girls had mute buttons, some guys had edit buttons, hard times had fast forward buttons, and good times had pause buttons :)
Dear Noah, We could of sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely Unicorns.
Ghetto Word Of The Day: Random
I saw my girlfriend of three years kissing another man the other day. So i got in my car and random both over.
...condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!"
Finding money in your pocket you didn't know you had.
daughter : '' hey mum me and my boyfriend are just going to my room. ''
mum : '' ok dont do anything stupid ''
* mum hears her daughter screaming ''BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH'' !! *
* mum rushes up stairs *
mum : ''what are you doing !!?!??!!''
daughter : ''get out mum we are having sex !!.''
mum : ''ohhh thank god, i thought you were listening to justin bieber.''
SEX, DRUGS & ROCK N ROLL are all very well , but nothing beats a nice cup of tea..
I like you... where do I click?
Sunny days
The Rugrats, Hey Arnold!, Ed, Edd & Eddy, Dexters Labatory, Rocket Power, The Wild Thornberries
All great shows when cartoons were the ish!
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!"... Well you, obviously.
We must hurt, in order to grow.
We must fail, on order to know.
We must loose in order to gain.
Why?
Because some lessons in life are best learned through pain...
Men only say 'Ladies first' so they can look at there arse
Excuse me Bruno Mars, I know you are being lazy and all but get your own mob of Monkeys instead of taking mine. Ok, thanks.
*7 signs your falling in love*
7. You'll read their txts over and over again
6. You'll walk really really slow while youre with them
5. They becomes all you think about
4. You'll get high just by their smell
3. You'll realize that you're always smiling, when you think about them
2. You'll do anything for them
1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia...
I can't sleep because I have an Internet Connection
"F*cking" is a f*cking word that can f*cking be put anyf*ckingwhere in a f*cking sentence and it f*cking still makes f*cking sense.
"We're just friends"
Actually meaning;
"We love each other but we're too afraid to admit it to each other..."
If you watch Harry potter backwards it's a whole 7 flims of a guy who think's he's a wizard, but in the last one, a giant comes and tells him he's not, so he becomes suicidal and locks himself under the stairs.
One day my patience will run out, and I will punch you.. in the face.. very hard.
THE TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN S*X
Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
Less guilt the next morning.
IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT,YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
"Are you free tommorow?" "Actually, I'm pretty expensive."
Teacher leave the room during a test:
Elementary- *silence*
Middle- *whispers* can i have gum?
High school- *yells across the room* hey whats number 1?
Pokemon: Because the concept of going around and beating wild creatures unconscious then enslaving them so they can fight just for your amusement is such a good thing to teach children,
I don't care how busy you are, just text me so I know you're okay... :/