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Wife: Truth or Dare?
Husband: Urm... Truth...
Wife: Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband: OK, I choose dare...
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Scream: Hello Shorty, What are you doin'
Shorty: Nuttin.. Sitting here watchin' the game, Smoking sum bud
Scream: Are you all alone
*Background noise* WAAAASSSSSSSSUPPPP!!!!
Women might be able to fake org*sms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
TEACHERS CALL IT CHEATING. WE CALL IT TEAMWORK. :))
The awkward moment when you ask your best friend whether they are attending the party of the year that all the popular people are going to and they reply with "What Party?"
Remember me? I was your friend when you were single.
Be careful who you open up to. only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.
Boy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: Omg, YES!
Girl: Can you please take me home?
Boy: Why, you didn't change your mind, did you?
Girl, No, I just wanna change my relationship status to In a Relationship on Facebook.
That awkward moment when you are in the bathroom and your sibling thinks it's a good time to come in without knocking...
Only I can fight with my sibling, you lay a finger on him/her and you die!
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE WITH YOUR SUNGLASSES AND YOUR PIMP STICK!"
Grandma please, he's blind...
That awkward moment when a flat chested girl says "aww i was off my tits last night!"
One day my patience will run out, and I will punch you.. in the face.. very hard.
Listen very carefully, this is a very important question................................................
Do you know..... The Muffin man?
Making crazy scenarios in your head that will most likely not happen
To my ex: I don't like you like I thought
To my boyfriend: I like you a lot but I'm scared you'll hurt me
To my future:... I have nothing to say but don't hurt me more than those douches
I really feel sorry for that person who writes the terms and conditions...
Girl: Hey look, gullible is written on the roof.
Guy: *looks up*
Girl: lol, you're so gullible !!!
Guy: but it does say gullible...
Girl: *looks up*
Guy: who's gullible now BITCH!!!
*** I bet you do this! ****
Oh, so you take 15 minutes to text me back! Fine im going to take 20 b*tch!
Let's see how you like it...
*****Ninja Rule # 32*****
When you want to secretly listen to a conversation, put some headphones in and pretend you are listening to music...
I take you to be my lawful wedded text buddy. To have and harass. In rich quotes and nasty jokes, 'til dead battery do us part...
Girl: I'm going to kill you.
Girl: You've invaded my privacy.
Boy: How so?
Girl: You're in my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, even my diary. You tiptoe into my mind all the time.
Boy: So, you kind of love me, huh?
When I'm in the shower and I need to wash the shampoo out of my hair, I do so as fast as I can purely because it is the perfect time for a serial killer to strike.
"I g2g, bye!"
"No don't go, i want to talk to you, im in love with you, be mine?"
*Goes to Erase but presses Send instead.*
Dear Youtube, I have discovered that there is a glitch on Rebecca Black's music video, Friday. There is a "like" button. Please fix this ASAP.
Does anyone else do this during class:
1. peel your nail polish off
2. search your hair for split ends
3. check the clock every 5 seconds
4. draw hearts on your paper
5. draw smiley faces on your hand
6. secretly eat because your starving
I hope I'm not the only one..
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