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Wife: Truth or Dare?
Husband: Urm... Truth...
Wife: Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband: OK, I choose dare...
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Like this if you've ever...
Sat in your car staring out the window, wishing that the next car that comes up has a hot guy staring back at you
Bin Laden being killed, a royal wedding, tsunami & earthquake followed by a nuclear meltdown in Japan, a general election, chaos in the Arab world and we're only 4 months in. You think 2011 is bad, just wait until 21/12/2012...
During hot, passionate s*x with my girlfriend, the famous, heroic words were moaned...
"You make me feel like a woman.."
I dont know why i said it, it just felt right.
boyfriEND, girlfriEND, friEND, everything has an end, except for family.
"Shaggy, you Scoob and Velma go downstairs and check the basement; Daphne and I'll go upstairs and check the bedroom..."
Freddy, you magnificent b*stard...
boy: I have something I have to say..
boy: I lo-
girl: *Smiles and blushes*
boy: -st the game
putting freezing cold hands on someone warm... :P
I ♥ my own bed. But I’ll be honest, I'd much rather be in yours ;)
If you want to be TOGETHER you have TO-GET-HER :)
Make a "don't like" button on facebook!!
Find the sad face! :):):):):):):):):):):): like if you found it!
I got pulled over the other day by the police.
The Cop asked: Is there any marijuana in the vehicle?
Apparently, "How much do you need?" was not the appropriate answer...
girl: I love J.B. <3
boy: OMG SO DO I!!
girl: He's so sexy!
girl: He's so hot! <3
girl: And he can do everything!
boy: Well, that I agree with.
girl: Justin Bieber is so cute!!
boy: Oh, I thought you were talking about Jack Black. =/
We use "lol" when...
1) What you said was kinda funny
2) It gets awkward
3) We want to end a sentence
4) We randomly want in the middle of our sentences because we're so used to writing it
Let's agree, we overuse "lol"
Smart Idea #55:
The week that a girl is on her period should be referred to as "Blow Job Week"
I hate it when your in your car listening to a random bad song and when your just about to get out, your favourite song comes up. LIKE IF U DO TOO xD
looking through a textbook and pointing at pictures going ''thats you''
My Life Needs A Edit Button
My milkshake brings voldemort to the yard and i'm like, it's hurting my scar...
Never apologize for what you feel. It's like saying sorry for being real.
The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said
I wanna watch.
You hit your little toe against a table..
At age 7: ''ohhhhh oww''
At age 10: ''ahhhhhhh stup table''
Age 13: ''SHIT!!!!''
Age 16: ''You stupid mother#$%#$ing #$%#$ ass piece of shit'' (breaks table)
My girl friend asked me the other day what I wanted for my birthday. I replied, "An*l S*x." She said "Don't be silly, I mean something that I can buy..."
So I replied with, "Ok, An*l s*x, with a prostitute..."
If I Saw This In My House I'd Run! :L
The 'I need a hug' mood.
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