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Wife: Truth or Dare?
Husband: Urm... Truth...
Wife: Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband: OK, I choose dare...
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
DONT TOUCH MY HAIR...... "touchhhhhhhhhhhhhh" ( SMACK!) WTF DID I SAY?!
A kiss blown in a kiss wasted. A kiss isn't a kiss until it's tasted. Kisses spread germs and germs are hated. So come over here and kiss me because I'm vaccinated.
Hey, who else thinks that Michelle Obama looks a lot like Aj's mom from Fairly Odd Parents?
Admit it, at once in your life, we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position
Oh look it's someone's birthday, Let me wish them Happy Birthday....Wait, wait, wait, they never wished me on my birthday or anything....
t(- -)t F*ck 'Em
Three nuns were talking. the first nun says, "the other day, i was cleaning father mcinty's room and i found pornographic magazines under his bed!" the second nun says, "i can top that. yesterday i was cleaning father mcinty's room and i found some condoms!" the other nuns asked, "what did you do with them?" the second nun said, "i poked holes in them." the third nun fainted.
Teacher:"where's your homework?",Student:"I lost it".......20min later ,Student:"I just found it!",Teacher:"No..You just did it".
Teacher: Jamie what is the answer to question 2 ?
Kid behind him (whispers): 56
Teacher: (suprised) well done thats right
Teacher: could you explain how you worked it out to the class please.
I'm going to start my own TV network called Reality TV (RTV) and play nothing but music videos.
Why did you change...
THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN
you're eating chips and it feels like everyone can here your crunching
What if the light that we see at the end of the tunnel when we die is really just us being pushed out of a v*gina into our next life?
Your Mind = Blown...
That mini heart attack when you slip on ice and your life flashes before your eyes, but then luckily you don't fall.
There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because his conscience tells him it is right.
- Martin Luther
Can you find the the mistake?
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Video games dont affect kids. If pacman had affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching on magic pills and listening to repeditive electronic music
You're not drunk, you've had one drink, so stop pretending.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to 'like' my status? Of course I like my status, I'm hilarious. And sexy.
Can I pretty please keep you forever? :')
When i was little i used to fall asleep on the sofa and wake up in bed, now i pass out on the sofa and wake up on the floor.
banging on your keyboard if your computer is slow.
they act like your...
- worst enemy
- your lesbian lover
- your best friend
- your mom
- your sibling
- like their freakin God or something
- but most importantly
the person you love the most!
5 things girls need to know about guys
1. We want sandwiches
2. We like sandwiches
3. Sandwiches are the amazing to us.
4. If you make us a sandwich you are a goddess
5. We love you if you make an amazingly awesome sandwich
When I see a typo I look at the keyboard to see if the two keys were close
Girls wonder why guys dont talk to them anymore after a relationship. Truth is guys dont talk to girls because there afraid to like them again
Parents: "How was school today?" You: "Good." Parents: "You always say good. How come you never give me a different answer?" You: "How come you never ask me a different question?"
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