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Wife: Truth or Dare?
Husband: Urm... Truth...
Wife: Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband: OK, I choose dare...
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
That awkward moment when you are on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other b*tches on there wont stop jumping so you can't get back up...
I always double check I've hung up on them before I start BlTCHING
******* Dear people reading this, *******
AM I MAKING YOU YELL IN YOUR HEAD?!
complete the sentence: i like ______ because once you ______ and then _______ and put the ________ in the _________ you get __________ and then you eat _______. :-)
The truth is, I'm not mad at you. I just hate the fact that every time your name lights up on my phone, I fall for you a little bit harder. And every time my name lights up on your phone.. well, I'm just another girl you talk to.
Don't you hate it when the guy you've liked forever only looks at you as a good friend, then a tart comes along and breaks his heart and you want smash her face in!
In Reception, i crossed my arms as high as i could to get let out first!!
Guys, here is a few tips for when you are texting girls:
1. Never take any longer then 20 minutes to reply.
2. Don't give short or one word replies.
3. Ask plenty of questions to show interest.
4. Utilise :). B*tches love :)
You: "Mom, Look I do love you, a lot.....But, I'm not accepting your friend request on Facebook..... Sorry"
Checking your MySpace these days is like checking your underwear after a fart. There is most likely nothing new and it there and if there is it is probably sh*t.
Me: Ask me if im a tree.
Me: ask me if im a tree.
Me: Ask me if im a tree.
Friend: FINE ARE YOU A F*CKING TREE??
Kid: can I borrow $50
Brother: what happened to the $50 I gave you last week
Kid: well your girlfriend isn't cheap bow chicka wow wow
Boy: Do you work a Subway?
Girl: Yeah, I do..."
Boy: Good, go make me a sandwich...
Lazy Rule #69:
Be on the bottom and let her do all the work..
Today I was really bored, so i decided to randomly say "Wow! Who put that piano there?"
You won't believe how many people looked around. Stupid thing was, I was in a elevator...
I like the fact that I am able to honestly say "I know the difference between their, there, they’re, then, than, effect and affect!!!"
Learn English people!
I need a vacation!!
once youu enter highschool.. things change.
your best friend becomes a BiTCH.
your boyfriend becomes a PRiCK.
homework goes in the TRASH.
cell phones are being used in CLASS.
detention becomes SUSPENSiON.
soda becomes BEER.
gum becomes POT.
bikes becomes CARS.
lollipops becomes CiGARETTES.
lipgloss becomes MAKE UP.
french kissing becomes SEX.
yeah.. high school does change everybody.
The reasons why people stand up...
1. To get the remote.
2. To go to the toilet.
3. Because your the real slim shady.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia...
I can't sleep because I have an Internet Connection
If Barbie Is So Popular, then why do you have to buy all of her friends?!
"Ok, if we get caught, pretend we don't speak english."
-"What happened here?!?"
"No hablo ingles!"
-"Oh que paso?"
Must.....stop....liking...things.......OH THATS SO TRUE!! *click*
Talking complete bollocks to taxi drivers when smashed
Blade made me think vampires were cool.
Underworld made me think that werewolves were cool.
Twilight made me think they are both gay.
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