Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Old people at weddings always poke me and say "You're next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
I named my iPod 'Titanic' so when I enter it in iTunes it says 'Syncing Titanic' and I feel like a H E R O when I press 'Cancel'
Me: "Hey, I'd Like a Coke Please."
Waiter: "Is Pepsi OK?"
Me: "Is Monopoly Money Ok?"
I always look at your page.....because I miss you :'(
life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind
If you had to make a decision about going left or right. But you know that left isn't right, so by precess of elimination, you have to go right because it's the only way left...
You said it was over, so why are you getting mad when I move on ?
When i'm the last person to go to bed and I have to turn my bedroom light off, I clear the path from the light switch to my bed, get my phone ready as a torch, and then switch the light off and sprint to my bed just in case a monster tries to get me...
Creating a look-a-like hogwarts letter and slipping it into your bestfriends letterbox on their 11th birthday just for shits and gigs.
Dear Vegetarians,
I eat the cows which produce the methane gas which effects global warming. You guys eat the plants that are trying to fix global warming so who's really killing the planet?
Sincerely,
A Non- Vegetarian.
Me, myself and I are not playing nice today. Me is confused, myself is conflicted and I has so much on her mind that she just doesn't give a damn.
I turned out liking you, A lot more than I originally planned
If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.
I got done for shoplifting in ASDA today.
I paid for six cans of Sprite at the self checkout, but when security checked my bag he discovered I'd picked seven up
I Think i May Have A "Become a Fan" Problem
Girl- "Hey"
Boy- "Hi"
Girl- "Wassup?"
Boy- "Nothing, you?"
Girl- "Me too."
Boy- "Cool"
Girl- "Yeah."
*End of conversation. Like if this happens to you*
Looking at a friend and saying: "I will if you will."
I hate it when i see a fat chick drinking diet pepsi, then think they can eat anything, cause they saved like 200 calories.
The awkward moment when you are not sure whether to hold the door open for someone because they they might be a bit too far away to wait, but close enough that you'll feel like a jerk if you let it slam shut just as they get a few steps away...
Why do men fart more then women?
******************************************
Because women never shut up long enough to build the required pressure...
"Oh cool its bendable!", *SNAP* "never mind"
When I turn 18... I'll be able to legally do all the things I've been doing since age 13 :)
I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST
LIKE N OONE EVER WAS
DUN DUN DUN
TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST
TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAAAUUUUUUSE
Spread the fail whale
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I piss you off because I love you